Fic: The House Guest

[jess-d-10.livejournal.com]

Title: The House Guest
Author: jess_d_10
Fandom: Shelter
Rating: R
Pairing; Characters: Zach/Shaun; Gabe, Cody
Chapter: 7
Summary: Gabe needs help more than he ever has before, so Zach and Shaun step up to the plate.
Previous Chapters:

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six

New Chapter:

Zach

Zach would have been embarrassed to admit it, but the truth was, he felt lost without Shaun by his side on a daily basis. Zach had always considered himself to be an independent person, someone who took care of his own problems and did not rely on others to prop him up. He loved Shaun, but Zach did not want to believe that he needed Shaun. Maybe need was not the right word, though. Maybe he was still independent, and as strong as he had always been, perhaps even stronger. Of one thing, he was certain, though: he was better with Shaun.

It did not take long for this to become apparent to Zach. The first week that Shaun was away was one of the longest of his life. For some reason, it seemed like everyone else in Valencia had decided to become a caffeine addict that week, because work was busier than it had ever been. Normally, Zach liked when things were busy: it kept work interesting, and the days went by quickly. On this week, though, it only added to his stress. School, also, was not going as well as it normally did for him. Ever since he had that conversation with Michael, his inspiration had plummeted. When he had to critique his classmates’ work, he found it difficult to find faults in their art. They all seemed to be geniuses with incredible talent, while he felt like a talentless dolt who could barely draw a smiley face. And then, of course, there was Cody.

Zach thought that Cody was the kind of kid that every parent hoped for: he didn’t get into trouble, he listened when he was spoken to, he liked to spend time with his parents, and he rarely complained. Of course, he had also been through some trials that not a lot of kids his age had to face. He had already been made fun of and rejected by a few kids who had learned that he was being raised by a gay couple. He had spent the first five years of his life with a mother who had tried to be there for him, but who had ultimately abandoned him. He had been forced to adapt to different living situations on a number of occasions, and he had faced all of them with strength and positivity that blew Zach away. So, he felt, he could hardly blame his son on the rare occasions that he had a bad day. He wished, though, that Cody could have not chosen to have a very bad week while Shaun was away.

Ever since Cody’s fit over Shaun’s departure, Zach had seen the change in his son. Cody had been quiet and sullen, picking over his meals, and refusing to talk. Zach crossed his fingers that it would pass, that it was just a reaction over Shaun’s leaving, and that he would be over it soon. After several days of this behavior, though, he worried that there were deeper problems rearing their ugly heads now.

It all culminated when, about five days after Shaun left, Zach got a phone call while he was at work. It was Cody’s school, calling to inform him that Cody had been in a fight, and that he needed to be picked up. Zach still had an hour and a half left of his shift, but his coworkers were understanding enough to let him leave early. At the school, the principal informed Zach that the fight between Cody and another boy seemed to have been over who had won a game they were playing outside during their lunch hour, and that it looked like Cody had thrown the first punch when the other boy insisted that he had won. Zach could hardly believe his ears when he was told that Cody had been physically violent with another child. Not only that, he had instigated the violence. He nearly asked the principal if she was sure that this was Cody, his Cody they were talking about.

Zach did not speak, and Cody remained silent during the ride back to the apartment. When they got home, Zach quietly told Cody to go to his room, and that he would be there in a moment to talk to him. As soon as he heard Cody’s door close, Zach pulled out his cell phone and tried to call Shaun. His voicemail picking up right away told Zach that Shaun’s phone was turned off. He wasn’t surprised: Shaun was probably doing a reading. So, he left a brief message asking his partner to call him when he could, and put his phone back in his pocket.

Zach took a deep breath. He told himself that he was OK, that he could handle this, that he had been a parent to Cody without Shaun’s help for five years, and he didn’t need his man by his side to tell their son that he had done something wrong. Zach knew what to do, and even knew what he was going to say to Cody—that wasn’t what he needed Shaun for. It seemed, though, that the whole ordeal would have been so much easier if he had just been able to hear Shaun’s voice, just for a moment.

He went over to Cody’s room and tapped gently on the door. “Come in,” said the voice inside.

Zach stepped into the room to find Cody lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes dry. Zach was struck by how grown-up the posture seemed, as though it suggested the thoughts running through the seven-year-old boy’s head were well beyond his years. Zach suspected that they were: Cody may have behaved like a child today on the schoolyard, but he knew that Cody had been forced into maturity beyond his years. Not for this first time, Zach wished that he hadn’t. He wished that Cody’s childhood was carefree, simple, and without a moment of sadness. Perhaps that wasn’t possible, but Zach would not have been a parent if he did not still desire it for his son.

He sat down at the foot of Cody’s bed. “Tell me what happened today.”

Cody kept staring at the ceiling as he spoke. “Thomas and I were racing from the school to the fence, and I won. Then, Thomas said that he won, but it wasn’t true. I was faster, I won the race.”

“So you thought that made it OK to punch him?”

The contemplative expression on Cody’s face turned into a scowl. “He wasn’t being fair.”

“I don’t care. Cody it is never OK to punch someone. Never. We don’t hurt other people.”

Cody still wouldn’t look at Zach. He kept staring at the ceiling, though it looked more as though he was staring right through it. “Fine.”

Zach was suddenly full of anger. He had expected tears. He had expected Cody to act more like he had when Shaun had left, and as difficult as that would have been, it would have been better than this stony defiance Cody was giving him. “No, I mean it Cody!” he said with more anger than he wanted to betray, but suddenly, he didn’t care. “What you did today was very bad! What’s gotten into you? Why would you do something so stupid?”

Cody sat up quickly, tears finally appearing in his eyes. “I’m not stupid!”

The desperate words put a crack in the wall of Zach’s fury, but his anger did not abate. “I know you’re not stupid, Cody, but hurting other people just because you think they’re not being fair is not a smart thing to do. It’s mean, and it’s wrong. Don’t you understand that?”

Cody was trying to blink the tears away, but they were pouring down his cheeks. “I know, OK? I know it was bad, but I couldn’t help it!” He gulped back a sob. “I just got so mad! I didn’t mean to, I just—I couldn’t—” And then, he gave in to his tears, and he buried his face in his hands as he cried.

Zach’s anger was instantly melted as he saw his son’s remorse. He got up from his spot at the end of the bed and sat down beside Cody. He wrapped his arms around the little boy, and pulled him in tightly while he cried. “I’m glad to hear that you know it was wrong,” he said quietly, “and I know what it’s like to get really mad sometimes.”

Cody’s sobs seemed to be subsiding, and he looked up at his father. “What do you do?”

“I try to control it, Cody. Even when I feel like I want to hurt the other person, I don’t, because I know it’s wrong. It’s better to talk to people.”

“I saw you get mad at Allan once. You were going to hurt him, but Shaun stopped you.”

Zach stared down at Cody, startled by his words. Of course, he remembered the day just over a year ago vividly. Jeanne was leaving her son, and Zach knew that responsibility for the little boy would finally be fully his. It was also the day he had gone back to Shaun, so his anger, his disappointment, and his frustration had been combined with joy and relief at the knowledge that he had done at least one thing right that day. His emotions, to say the least, were a jumble. When Allan had so casually thrown those nasty words Cody’s way, Zach had lost control, despite what he was now telling Cody he always did. He didn’t think Cody had witnessed his outburst: he thought the boy was safely away inside the house.

“Yes,” Zach said, “I remember that, and I was wrong. That wasn’t the right way to deal with what was happening.”
Cody nodded, and then looked down at his hands. “I was mad on that day too.”

Zach closed his eyes and pulled Cody closer. He loved his sister, and knew her better than anyone else on earth, but at that moment, he hated her. He hated what she had done to this perfect, innocent little boy, the deep sadness that she had left him with. “I know, Cody, and that’s OK. You had every right to be mad.”

“Will we see Jeanne again?”

Zach did not allow himself to answer immediately. His gut reaction had been to assure Cody that yes, of course he would see his mother again. Of course she would always be a part of their lives. It was what he wanted to believe, but he knew that it was not the truth. “Maybe,” he eventually said, “but I can’t say for sure. You’ll always have Shaun and me, though. Always.”

“Shaun isn’t here now.”

“Hey,” Zach said, brushing Cody’s hair with his hand, “you know he’s going to be back soon. How many times have we both said it?”

“I know, but …”

“And haven’t you talked to Shaun on the phone every night since he’s been gone? And hasn’t he said each time how much he can’t wait to be back here with us?”

Cody sighed, but it wasn’t a sad sigh. It was more a reluctant sigh at being outsmarted. “Yeah, I know.”
Zach knew that Cody knew Shaun was coming back, but it still scared him that this brief absence of one of his parents was stirring up such negative emotions in the young boy. It meant that those emotions were there, and that this was something they couldn’t ignore. What would they do? Could they deal with this themselves? Or would Cody have to see a professional, a child psychologist or something? Zach hated the thought of this, that their little boy might need this, but he wanted his son to be happy, and was ready to anything to make it so. “Good,” Zach said, “because it is very important that you know that. Shaun and I aren’t going anywhere.”

Cody was quiet for a moment, but then he looked up at Zach, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Can we order pizza for dinner?”

Zach had to suppress a smile. Leave it to Cody, through the pain of dealing with more difficult emotions than any seven-year-old should have to face, to recognize when Zach was at a weak enough moment to perhaps forget all about punishments, and treat him instead. “No way, mister, you’re not getting off that easy. I want you to stay in here and think about what you did wrong today while I work on making some dinner. What homework do you have tonight?”

Cody rolled his eyes, but did not bother trying to lie. “I have to do a chapter in my Reading Well book, and I have to do some math.”

“OK. I’m going to come get you in a little bit, and we’ll work on that together. All right?”

“Can we draw together later?”

This time, Zach had no luck at all suppressing his smile. One of Cody’s favorite activities was drawing with him, and Cody obviously knew how much Zach liked it as well. He figured that it was an educational and wholesome enough activity to be permitted on the day that Cody got in the worst trouble he ever had at school. “Yes, but only after all your homework is finished. Got it?”

Cody gave him a firm nod. “Got it.”

Zach left the room, feeling glad that the situation had been dealt with for the time being, but well aware that there were deeper problems that sooner or later, would need to be addressed.

At school the next day, Zach was distracted, to say the least. He kept thinking about Cody, hoping that he was having a calm, uneventful day at school. After what had just happened, though, he thought that he would never be sure of that again. What was going through Cody’s mind right at that moment? Was he having fun, or was he thinking about other, darker things? Was Cody ever really happy when he acted as though he was, or was he just trying to hide how he was really feeling?

In his drawing workshop, he could barely focus on trying to sketch the various poses of the live model they had in class that day. A nude young man twisted and turned on a stool at the center of the class, changing his position every five minutes, and they were expected to sketch him in each of the poses. Zach’s mind was not up for the challenge of thinking and working quickly. Realistic human sketches had never been his forte anyways. At the end of the class, when he looked through his sketch pad, he saw a series of messy scrawls on the white pages, the original subject hardly discernable in his chaotic scribbling.

As usual after this class, he had coffee with Marie and Christian during their one hour break before their next class. Marie and Christian were talking excitedly about how attractive this particular model had been, and how usually, the nude models they got or their classes were so very unsexy. Zach would have been content with sitting silently while the two of them babbled on, but Marie did not like when someone at the table did not contribute his or her opinion.

“And Zach?” she said. “What do you think? He was hot, no?”

Zach shrugged. “I don’t know; I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Christian rolled his eyes. “Come on, Marie, you know better. You know Zach will never admit he finds another man attractive other than Shaun. He’d much rather have people think he’s straight, right Zach?”

Zach was aware that by the teasing tone in Christian’s voice, he had meant his words as a playful jab, not really anything serious, but he was suddenly extremely annoyed. He wasn’t sure what at, exactly, but he didn’t want to be around other people anymore. “Actually, Christian, no, that’s not what I want people to think, but I guess you wouldn’t understand that. You know, I would never judge you for being so obvious with your sexuality. It’d be nice if you wouldn’t judge me for not being obvious with mine.” He stood up.

“Zach, geeze,” Christian said, looking up at him, “I was only kidding.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Zach said, shoving his books into his messenger bag. “I gotta go.”

“Go where? We have Post Foundation Seminar.”

“Oh, Zach,” Marie said, “just relax. If it will make you feel better, we will not talk about sexy boys anymore.”

Zach slung his bag over his shoulder. “See you guys later,” he said, and proceeded to walk quickly away from their table. He was annoyed to realize that he had parked on the complete opposite side of campus, and that he had an irritatingly long walk ahead of him before he could really be alone, in the safety of his car. He charged through the crowds of students, thinking only of his destination. When he got to his car, he got in quickly and slammed the door shut. It was then that he finally allowed himself to close his eyes, and take a deep breath.

Zach loved his car. This car had been with him through so much, and it had been his refuge during so many hard times. Now was no different. At this time of day, even the parking lot at Cal Arts was busy, teeming with students both arriving for classes and leaving for the day, but Zach felt safe and separate from them in the private bubble of his vehicle.

What the hell is wrong with me? he thought. This was not the first time that his Cal Arts friends had teased him for being one of the most unobvious gay men they had ever met, and though he had been a bit disconcerted by it at first, and unsure how to react to it, he had learned to laugh about it. He had realized that his friends liked him for who he was, just as he liked them as they were as well. He knew that was the case today as well, and Christian’s words had just been routine ribbing. Shit, he thought, Christian can barely go five minutes without teasing someone. So why had he let it get to him today?

The answer, of course, was obvious, even to himself. Zach was letting everything get to him these days, and so Christian had gotten to him as well. He was sick of his job, he felt like he was failing at school, and that he would never have a successful career as an artist. His son had been through some difficult times, and had emotional problems that would have to be addressed. Zach knew that no one’s life was perfect and that he had a lot to be thankful for. His life was better now than it had ever been, so why did he feel like shit?

The truth, Zach was beginning to realize, lay in the fact that he had changed in the past year and a bit. He had gained more to be happy about, and so when a small part of that was taken away, he had a harder time accepting it, even if it was only temporary. Having Shaun every day and every night made spending time without him all the more painful, and no matter how much he told himself that Shaun would be back soon, he was no better than Cody: he had this deep fear that Shaun wouldn’t be back with them again. Zach knew that his old self had a lot of faults, but that he was much better at dealing with being alone, at taking whatever life threw at him and pushing through it. He felt at that moment, though, as if he couldn’t deal with any of it. He felt like a house of cards, being precariously held up by the most delicate laws of physics. All it would take to knock him down, though, would be the lightest of winds.

Comments

[figaro23.livejournal.com]

Poor Zach! Shaun being away is tough on all of them! Hurry up and get back to your family, Shaun, before they all lose it!

[msmaxine.livejournal.com]

Oh, but that last sentence is ominous. Am enjoying this story and really feel for Zach trying to find the right words for Cody. Looking forward to the next installment.

[shelter-fan.livejournal.com]

Awwww...this chapter was so angsty but I still loved it! I hope Shaun comes back home soon!

[janes-thomas.livejournal.com]

come home shaun!