FIc: Not Worth It (Ch. 20)

[unavez18.livejournal.com]

Title: Ch. 20
Characters: Zach, Shaun, Cody
Rating: PG13
Notes: short and not a 'fun' one, sorry!

 

Another gorgeous Southern California summer followed.  Zach took a job at the campus bookstore, mostly to assuage his persistent need to feel like he was contributing.  Shaun’s book was poised to be released in the fall, but Zach was aware that there hadn’t been too much money making its way into their household, and he didn’t like the idea that they were eating through Shaun’s savings.  But Shaun was able to convince him that a part time job would be best so that Cody’s first official summer vacation could be a memorable one.  

So when Zach wasn’t working, their days were spent in easy luxury—lazy mornings of chocolate chip pancakes and board games, sunny days of surfing and sand castles.  Cody announced on more than one occasion that it was the best summer of his life, and Zach had to agree.

 

*

 

“One more ride, please!” Cody begged, using the support of both Shaun’s and Zach’s hands in his to take little leaps as they walked. 

 

“It’s getting late, Codes.  Aren’t you tired yet?” Zach asked, a little less enthusiastic about what had to be their third or fourth lap around the amusement park.

 

“It’s not even dark yet!” Cody threw back at him with an extra high jump, nearly yanking Zach’s arm out of its socket.

 

Shaun threw Zach a ‘come on’ look, so Zach gave in without much of a fight.  “Alright, one more.  Which one though?  Better decide quick ‘cause there’s gonna be a line.”

 

“Hmm,” Cody broke free from his fathers’ hands and began to tap his fingers to his lips.  “The log one  . . . no, the Cyclone.  Or the Scrambler!”

 

“We’re gonna be here all night,” Zach said, shaking his head in dismay.

 

Shaun laughed, and now that Cody was bounding ahead of them he reached over to take Zach’s hand.  “But you can’t tell me you’re not having a good time,” he said with a smile.

 

Zach smiled back at him, unable to keep up the pretense of being annoyed.  In their excursions together it was always Shaun’s job to take Cody’s side and ask for “five more minutes,” and it was Zach’s job to keep them somewhat on track with the demands of real life.  But sometimes Zach found himself playing the role just to see how adorable Cody and Shaun were when they got their way.  Shaun was right; he was having an incredible time, and right now as they walked hand in hand he realized it was one of those perfect moments that illuminated how solid they were becoming as a family; just walking down the pavement at Magic Mountain was a wonderfully ordinary reminder of all they had achieved.  Zach leaned over and gave Shaun a quick kiss on his smiling lips.

 

“Look at the fucking fags,” a voice said. 

 

Startled, Zach whirled around to face a group of boys, barely out of high school, who looked like they had all gotten a memo to wear oversized pants and wife beaters to the park that day.  Snickers rippled through the group, and the speaker made eye contact with Zach and thrust his chest out a bit in a ‘What? Whatcha gonna do about it?’ kind of gesture.

 

Zach’s physical response was immediate and instinctual; his body tensed up and his hand clenched into a fist at his side.  He took a step forward, every ounce of his muscle prepared to slug someone in the face.

 

But before he could move more than a few feet, Shaun’s hand gripped him tightly and pulled him back so hard that he nearly lost his footing.

 

“Don’t,” Shaun said warningly.  “It’s not worth it.”

 

The group of aggressors chuckled a bit and continued on their way.  Zach remained where he was, his fist still wrapped tightly in a ball of anger.

 

“What’s a fag?” Cody interrupted with a puzzled tone.

 

Shaun released his vise like grip on Zach’s arm and turned to the little boy who had been silently observing the near-altercation.  “It’s a mean word, Cody.  It’s something people say to hurt other people, but the people that use it are just confused on the inside.  So we can’t let it bother us, okay?”

 

Shaun waited a second for Cody’s usual “okay,” but it wasn’t immediately forthcoming.  Cody’s eyes were focused on something else, and Shaun followed his gaze to see Zach’s disturbed expression.

 

Zach’s face was contorted somewhere between rabid anger and looking like he wanted to cry.  “Let’s go home now,” he said to Shaun, his teeth clenched.

 

“What?  No.  We’re not going to let some punk ruin our day.  Come on.”  Shaun defiantly took Cody’s hand and began to walk forward again, gesturing for Zach to join them. 

 

“Fine,” Zach muttered reluctantly and trailed a few feet behind.

 

When they reached the log ride, Cody rushed ahead of them, and Shaun turned back to find Zach’s eyes still glazed over with anger.

 

“Babe,” Shaun said softly, reaching out to wrap a comforting arm around him.

 

Zach shied away from the embrace, pushing Shaun aside with a swat of his hand.  “Stop,” he bristled.  He was far too annoyed to be comforted.

 

Shaun let his arm drop back to his side, and wasn’t able to mask the disappointment on his face.

 

*

 

Cody fell asleep on the ride home while Zach and Shaun sat in icy silence.  At first, Zach was still seething, but as they neared their apartment, the overwhelming desire he had to reach out and punch someone had started to subside.  But now that his own anger was fading, he was starting to realize that Shaun seemed to be extremely irritated as well.

 

Shaun carried the still-sleeping Cody to bed while Zach trudged back to their room.   He was ready to put the ugly events of the day behind him, but Shaun seemed content to keep up the silence.  Although he wasn’t entirely sure why Shaun was so upset, it was becoming clear the anger was directed at him.

 

Zach sat down on their bed and was slowly taking off his dusty shoes when Shaun entered.

 

“So, what, now we’re gonna go back to me not being able to touch you in public?  Because that could get old pretty fast,” Shaun said as soon as he had closed the door behind him, folding his arms testily.

 

“What?” Zach’s head jerked up, a confused expression on his face. “No, no, Shaun, it’s not that.”

 

Shaun dropped his arms but appeared unconvinced.

 

Now Zach understood why he had been so blanketed with the silent treatment on their ride home—Shaun was afraid that he was going to let the pressures of the outside world affect their connection.  And it was a fair assumption, as it had happened in the past.  But that wasn’t what this was about. He stood up to reach out to Shaun, but Shaun’s raised eyebrows told him that he demanded more of an explanation.

 

“It wasn’t that, I swear.  I was just pissed that you stopped me,” Zach said, dropping the hands that Shaun seemed unwilling to be embraced by and twisting them together in embarrassment as he eyed the floor.

 

“That I stopped you?”  Shaun repeated, dumbfounded.  “That I stopped you from punching some dude in the face?”

 

Zach brought a hand up to his temples and rubbed them in slow circles.  “Ok, yeah, I know you were right.  It’s just sometimes it can get annoying-- how you handle everything—all cool and collected.  It’s like you’re perfect or something,” he ended with a droll smirk.

 

Shaun was silent for just a moment longer.  Then he threw back his head and laughed, which finally erased the anger from his face.  “I’m not perfect, Zach . . .  God, sometimes I wish we were closer in age.  I wasn’t always ‘cool and collected’ . . . I’ve had my fair share of fistfights and freak-outs.  It’s just that they happened when I was younger and stupider.”

 

“Oh, so now I’m stupid,” Zach threw up his hands in mock dismay.

 

“You know what I mean,” Shaun rolled his eyes.  “I just came to realize that it never really helped—it doesn’t make you feel nearly as good as you think it will before you take that first swing.  But maybe you have a point.  Maybe I should let you learn your own lessons sometimes.  The next time you want to punch someone’s lights outs, I’ll try to stand by you faithfully.  Just don’t expect me not to say, ‘I told you so’ when it doesn’t help.”  He smiled broadly, showing off his dimples.  “But only if Cody’s not there, okay?”

 

Zach reached out to him now that the moratorium on their physical contact was apparently over.  He encircled Shaun’s trim waist with his arms and leaned down a bit so he could rest his head under Shaun’s chin.  “Nah . . . that’s okay.  And I’m glad you’re older than me.  I think I probably need the guidance,” he said.  Shaun laughed and hugged him back. 

 

“Besides,” Zach concluded.  “I hate hearing you tell me I told you so.”

***

 

 

Comments

[jasmine661.livejournal.com]

I liked this, realistic in the situation and how they handled it, during the confrontation and Cody's seeing it, and their make-up before bed was sweet.
"And I'm glad you're older than me." awwww!

[abaylor22.livejournal.com]

see?....they did no extra harm. one word and walk away. idont condon the word, but 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me'

[abaylor22.livejournal.com]

cody will learn that hearing the word 'faggot', doesnt mean you respond with your fist. cody may hear the 'f' word often as he grows up at school or just hanging out with his dads. He should respond accordingly. He'll do great as will zach..(hopefully) :)

[glitzy09.livejournal.com]

This may not have been fun but I like that you dealt with a realistic situation they would have to face. Great job as usual :)

[m-p-25.livejournal.com]

I love your fic(s), you know))) And, yes, I agree with glitzy09 - they are very realistic! And they are just great!!!

[figaro23.livejournal.com]

Wow, this was intense! I'm glad Shaun stopped Zach from doing something he'd regret. To smooth things over, I think Shaun needs to take Zach out on one of those dates he drunkenly promised- and get tipsy again!

[scoutdaniels.livejournal.com]

that was the reason i first thought of too, that Shaun was stopping Zach cause of Cody. kinda sad, but that's because its a realistic scene you've written.

Thanks for the update.