Fic: What I Want
Apr. 1st, 2010 01:27 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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shelter_dinerTitle: “What I Want”
Author: jrb1986
Rating: R (Strong Language)
Characters: Zach, Shaun, Jeanne, Tori, Gabe, Cody
Notes/Warnings: This story takes place at various point throughout the film, where Zach expresses in his mind what he thinks about his obligations, people in his life, and what he actually wants. I’m writing this in first person format which I haven’t done in years. I also lifted some dialogue from the movie. This is just for fun, not for monetary gain or anything. This is self-beta’d, so all mistakes are completely mine. I also do not own the movie “Shelter,” nor do I own Zach, Shaun, Jeanne, Tori, Gabe, or Cody, although I personally would love to have Zach and Shaun! Don’t worry, I promise to return them safely. I really hope you like it. Enjoy!
The Opening Credits:
Going skateboarding and tagging my artwork is such a nice escape. Honestly, it’s just nice to get out of the house. Plus it takes my mind off having to go to work later. At least I get to see Gabe later before he has to leave. That’ll be nice, just shoot the shit for awhile.
Jeanne Asks Zach To Watch Cody:
I wish Jeanne hadn’t asked me to take Cody to work with me. Poor kid’s gonna get bored soon. At least he has his crayons. God, I love that kid, he’s being so well behaved. Shit, my replacement’s late. I hope I don’t have to stay and close-up. I really wanna see Gabe before he leaves. Sometimes this job really sucks. Stop thinking that, Zach! Jeanne really needs the help, and I wanna help her. Toughen up, Zach. It’s just a job.
Zach Returns From Seeing Gabe:
It was a blast spending time with Gabe. I’d like to visit him sometime. I wasn’t crazy about his college friends last time, but they’re his friends, so that’s cool. It’s getting dark, and I wanna head out for a surf session. Jeanne says Ellen is coming over. Ugh, I definitely wanna miss that. All she does is sit around with Jeanne and smoke and drink. Don’t think like that Zach, she can be nice. Jeanne I think wants to set us up or something. Thanks but no thanks. I definitely don’t feel like dating now. The water should be amazing. I can’t wait.
Babysitting (Again):
Babysitting again. Cody’s sleeping like a little angel. I really should buy him some new shoes. I’ll try to get him some cool shoes. Tori sounded kind of distracted on the phone, but that’s okay. She’s out having fun, which she has a perfect right to do. I wish Jeanne and Allan wouldn’t have been so loud coming in. But that’s none of my business. Some of these sketches are coming out pretty nicely.
Zach Meets Shaun Again:
I really need to wax this board. I know Gabe doesn’t mind me breaking into his house to wax my board. “I thought your ghetto ass would be done breaking and entering by now.” Holy shit, it’s Shaun! “Then change the code, bitch!” Wow, he looks really good. It’s awesome that he’s here. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to. Wow, I’m smiling. Maybe he’ll want to go surfing. That’d be great. Yes! He wants to go surfing. He seems to like being called “master.” That’s funny.
After Surfing:
The water was amazing. It was nice to have somebody to surf with for a change. I love how easy it is to talk to Shaun. He’s an old friend, that must be why. It’s kinda hard to talk about Jeanne being a mom. Sometimes I feel like I’m Cody’s parent. I can’t think like that! Jeanne does her best.
The Bonfire:
Sitting by the fire with my friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Weird. Maybe I just haven’t seen them enough. Oh well, at least Shaun decided to grab a few beers too. It’s hard to talk to Tori lately, I’ve noticed. Normally we break-up then get back together again. I’m fairly certain I don’t want to do that. I can’t deal with a girl right now. And what the fuck was up with Billy asking me if I was a “fag?” No wonder Shaun got up. I would too if I were him. I figured out awhile ago why that word would make him uncomfortable. He seems okay, though. Good. Ugh, is Jeanne drunk again? Yup. Fuck. Why the fuck does she drink so much? She’s gonna wind up hurting herself and possibly Cody. No. I won’t let that happen. I’ll stop by Shaun’s tomorrow. Hopefully he’ll want to go surfing again. I can’t wait.
Zach And Shaun Talk On The Walkie Talkies:
It’s cool that Shaun wanted to talk on those walkie-talkies. Watching that movie with Tori was not fun at all. The movie sucked, and for some reason I just didn’t feel like kissing her. I wonder what that’s about. Oh well, I’ll think about that later. I love talking with Shaun, he’s so cool. My tone of voice seems to change whenever I talk to him. I feel happier. It’s a nice feeling. He does look really good, even better than I remembered. Ha, why am I thinking about that? Hey, he’s good looking, anybody would notice that. I’m sure they do. It sounds like he’s watching that stupid skating video Gabe and I made a long time ago. Interesting.
Zach Wants To Go Surfing With Shaun Again:
Please be home. Please be home, Shaun. I know I can go surfing by myself, but I really wanna hang, so please be home. Thank god he answered, but what the fuck is he wearing?! Ha, a blue robe and some scarf? I gotta laugh at that. “It’s breaking heavy, let’s roll to the ‘bu.” “I’m working.” Oh fuck. Allrighty, how’s about some reverse psychology? “Allright, I’ll see you later then.” “Hey, wait. I’ll come.” Yes! “Uh dude, you might wanna change first.” He glared at me in a funny way, but hey I thought I was funny.
After Zach And Shaun Surf:
I can’t believe I never knew about this surfing spot. The water’s great here, this is totally rad. Is it wrong that I’m starting to think Shaun looks really hot in his wetsuit? It’s all tight and…..never mind. Dude, stop thinking that. Seriously, what the fuck?! I don’t notice chicks in their bathing suits, but yet I notice Shaun? This is kinda weird. Oh well, anybody with eyes can see that he’s attractive, right? Shaun keeps asking me about my artwork, which is really cool. He seems genuinely interested. That’s amazing, hardly anybody ever cares about my artwork besides Gabe occasionally and mostly Cody. Maybe I should ask him about his book. After all, I’ve only read it about 50 times. For some reason the love scene between the two male main characters is permanently burned into my consciousness. God, I am so fucking weird. “I just never knew that you knew about me” Shaun says when I tell him I’ve read it. I better change the subject. Maybe he doesn’t wanna talk about it. That’s cool, I can understand that. It’d definitely be something I don’t ever think I could discuss if I were like him. But I’m not. Am I?
The Kiss:
God, I’m so fucking wasted. But I kinda want another beer. Maybe Shaun wants one too. Wait, is he looking at my portfolio? Nobody ever looks at that. God, I’m so embarrassed! He’s gonna think they suck. But he says it’s okay and he wants to look at it. He could even tell what was going in in the drawing of Cody. He even called it incredible! Ha, I can’t believe he’s wrestling me! Damn, it feels nice to have him on top of me! God, he looks fucking sexy lying there next to me. I kinda want him to….wait.…is he gonna…..I think he’s going to…..mmm. Oh this feels nice. Shit, I don’t want this to stop. So this is what kissing is supposed to feel like? Holy shit, this is incredible! Please don’t stop Shaun, please don’t stop….
The Morning After:
“Shit!” It’s almost 8:00, and I have to fucking drive Jeanne to work. Did I do what I think I did? What does this mean. Am I gay or something? I don’t think I am. Shaun’s just a really good kisser, right. I’m sure anybody would say so. Yeah, that’s gotta be it. I’m so fucking confused.
Zach Driving Jeanne To Work:
“I think maybe I should reapply to Cal Arts.” Man, that felt good to say. I’d love to go to Cal Arts. That’d be so awesome. Why did Jeanne seem so against the idea? Wait, she doesn’t know that….never mind, it doesn’t matter. She might be right. I’m sure she wants what’s best for me. And she still does need help with Cody. Kissing Tori just didn’t feel right. All I wanna do now is kiss Shaun. His lips were so soft, and it just felt so right. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?
Jeanne Interrogates Zach About Hanging Out With Shaun:
“I hear you’ve been hanging out with Shaun.” Shit, I wonder why Jeanne wants to talk about Shaun. Does she know that we kissed? No, there’s no possible way she could know. It seems weird that she doesn’t want Cody to be around him. I guess she has a point. But Shaun’s not like that, he’s a great guy. But she’s Cody’s mom, and knows what’s best for him. And why did she just ask me if I’m a fag? How the fuck do I answer that?! Christ, I don’t fucking know anymore. I don’t know what to do.
Zach Tries To Avoid Shaun On The Beach:
“Hey dude. I tried calling you.” “I’ve been really busy.” That’s a lie. Why am I lying? Maybe Jeanne was right, maybe Shaun has a slight influence on me. But he’s so amazing, though. Jeanne would fucking flip if she saw Shaun helping Cody make the sandcastle. “Let’s go talk.” Shit, Tori wants to talk. Whatever, I know what’s coming. I know I don’t want to be in a relationship with her, so why string her along? I wish I could still be in love with her and want to be with her, but I don’t. It doesn’t feel right at all. Maybe I don’t deserve anybody. I’ll never feel as happy as I felt when Shaun was kissing me anyway, so what would be the point? Fuck, I just wanna leave. Shaun says he thinks I’m talented. I gotta go, I just wanna be alone. Shaun looked kinda hurt with the way I reacted. I really don’t want to hurt him.
Zach Conflicted:
Deep breath Zach, deep breath. You’ll get over this. It’s just a crush, totally harmless. But, he makes me feel so good, and so alive. God, I just want to touch him, kiss him, have him hold me. I wanna press his lips to mine. Have his arms around me. He’s amazing, and I think, no I’m certain he likes me too. I’ve never wanted anyone so bad in my life. But I can’t, oh but I want to. Fuck this, I’m gonna get something I want for the first time in my life. I gotta go for it.
Zach And Shaun Make Love:
Please be home. Please be home, Shaun. Oh god, he looks amazing. This is so right, I can’t hold back. He’s kissing me, and I’m kissing him. I want his lips permanently on mine. So this is how amazing sex is supposed to feel! I wanna scream with pleasure. Oh……my…..god…….please don’t stop Shaun. I never want this to stop……
The Morning After:
I feel warm and kinda fuzzy. It’s a nice feeling. A comfortable feeling. “Morning.” Shaun has his arm around me. Oh, this feels nice. I have an idea. An awesome idea. I wanna go out and paint something. I’m definitely getting an idea. “What time is it?” “Why, you got somewhere to go?” “Yeah.” I start to get up, but Shaun pulls me closer to him. I think I could lie here forever. That’d be amazing. But I can’t let this muse get away from me. Gotta paint it while it’s fresh in my mind. I hope Shaun knows I definitely plan on coming back. I think he does.
Zach Finds His Artistic Inspiration:
Am I gay? Well, am I attracted to girls? Nah, not really. I honestly don’t think I ever really was. Am I attracted to guys? Pretty much, yeah. Do I wanna be with Shaun? Definitely. Oh my god, I’m totally fucking gay. If this is what gay feels like, bring it on. God, I’m so fucking happy! This is what being happy feels like. I must look so goofy right now, but who cares? I’m gay, I’m happy, and this painting on this building is gonna be fucking amazing.
Jeanne Asks Zach To Watch Cody Again:
I’m gonna see Shaun this weekend. All weekend. I’m so excited. Jeanne tried to call me last night? For what, she was here all night. Probably wanted me to babysit or something. Sorry, I was kinda busy having amazing sex. She’d flip if I told her that. Maybe I should have been here for her. Oh well. Okay, I’m always here for Cody. Jesus, the one night I go out and have fun, and she’s complaining. Whatever. Fuck! Why the fuck does she want me to babysit Cody this weekend of all weekends?! Jesus Christ, he’s her son. Who am I fucking? I don’t think she really wants to know. I know, I know she really needs me, but I did kinda want some alone time this weekend. Is that so wrong?
Shaun Calls To Set-up A Date With Zach:
Some color would do these walls in here some good. Red looks awesome. Holy shit, it’s Shaun! Okay Zach, just be cool. Nonchalant. Totally cool. Shit, why did I say I couldn’t come over tonight. Yes, I can, I want to! Jeanne doesn’t want Cody there, I know that much. Okay, I guess I’ll take care of Cody, but I’m sure Shaun doesn’t wanna babysit. I hope he’s not mad. Wait, did he just say to bring him? This man is amazing. I can’t believe he’s okay with me bringing Cody. I don’t think my heart can beat any faster.
The Date:
Is it wrong that I kinda wanted to look a little nice for this? Nice, but casual. And Cody totally needed those new shoes. I want to look presentable. I guess in an odd way this is kinda like a date. Wait, this is a date. Leave the odd part out. Cool. I should probably watch the touchy-feely stuff around Cody though. He’s a little young to see that. “I admire what you’re doing for Cody. You don’t have to.” “Yeah, I do.” “It’s a choice, Zach.” “It’s family. My only one left.” “You get that from your mom.” “Yeah. Lucky me.” He’s right. My mom is really the only person who loved me growing up. Dad and I were never close, and Jeanne only seems to love me when she wants something. It sucks. Cody seems to love me. When Shaun puts his arms around me, I feel so warm and safe. Words just can’t describe it. I think he loves me too. I don’t get why. I mean, he awesome and amazing, yet I’m just some poor as fuck dude who hasn’t done one worthwhile thing in his life. I don’t get it. I don’t know why Shaun loves me, but I do know one thing, and that is that I could stay in his arms forever.
Right After The Big Gay Love Montage:
I’ve never felt better than I have these last few weeks. I don’t want this to end. I just hope nobody finds out. I really don’t want reality to come crashing in on me. I don’t want to deal with however my friends and Jeanne would react if they found out. It’s hard to keep a secret like this, but I know I have to. They’d fucking hate me if they knew. I can’t have that. Sometimes though, I don’t care. Like when Shaun caresses my naked body after we’ve made love, the way he smiles at me, the way he calls me “babe” which I admittedly like, the way he is with Cody, and mostly just him being him. He makes me laugh and feel wonderful. “So you heading back up to L.A. soon?” “Pretty happy here.” “Yeah.” I know this has to end sometime. I don’t really want it to, but realistically it has to. “Hey why don’t you come with me?” “Yeah, right.” “I’m serious. You could come with me, I live right near Cal Arts. You‘re so beautiful.” What do I say to that? I’m not beautiful. “Shut up!” “Learn to take a compliment.” “Thanks” “I’m so glad you’re here.” “Me too.” I really am. Now that I think about it, I really don’t want this to end. Maybe it’ll be all right. Maybe……oh fuck! Gabe! Fuck! What the fuck is he doing here?! Just be cool. Be cool. Okay, I’m gonna sneak out all stealthy-like. Deep breath. Just be cool.
Jeanne Confronts Zach About Shaun:
The beach was admittedly kind of fun. I wish Shaun had just been cool, though. I know he’s affectionate and whatnot, but we have to be careful now. Gabe’s comment about my wearing Shaun’s shirt kinda made me nervous. Oh well, I shouldn’t think about it. I wonder what’s wrong with Jeanne, she’s looking at me really weird. “Please tell me he’s just confused. Zach why didn’t you tell me?” “Tell you what?” “Okay, your confusion is one thing, but brining Cody into this is just totally fucked!” Oh shit, she knows. Cody must have said something about going to Shaun’s. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh now she’s gonna preach to ME about family?! I’m not the one who goes out and gets fucking drunk all the goddamn time! I’m the one who takes care of Cody, and I’m the one who taught him to have a sense of family. Not her, ME! What the fuck, does she think she’s mother of the fucking year now?! And Shaun’s a million times better than that sleazy mother fucker she’s going out with. But I have a relationship with a guy, and I’m the one who’s wrong?! I don’t fucking understand her. I’ve reduced myself to a little piece of ass?! Okay, okay, is that the best upbringing for Cody? Am I a good enough man to raise Cody? She does have a point. I mean, I’m hiding the relationship, so there must be something wrong with it. I can’t be in a relationship where I have to hide from my family and friends. I have to think about this. But let’s face it, I’m always wrong about this stuff anyway, so I’m probably wrong about this.
The Break-Up:
Why did I even go to this fucking party? I just want to be alone. Why is Shaun here? I can’t see him right now. Fuck, I can’t believe I’m about to do this. But I have to hold my family together, so my happiness doesn’t really matter if it’ll keep my family together. “I don’t know if this is what I want.” “Seems like what you want.” “I don’t know if this is what I want. For good.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you. This is all totally new to me.” “Look, we’ll get through the Gabe thing-””No, it’s not that, Shaun. You just don’t get it, okay. I just can’t take what I want, my life is not like that.” “You’ll never get what you want unless you take it.” “Take it? You know, you and Gabe have always been able to take what you want no questions asked. You don’t realize that it’s not like that for other people, it’s fucking ignorant!” “Oh, and you and Jeanne just blame everyone else because you can’t do anything for yourselves? What do you call that?! Look. Fuck! Why are you doing this?!” “Don’t get all emotional and faggy on me, okay?” “What?!” “I’m sick of being your childhood wet dream, Shaun. Find another fucking fantasy!” “You know what, you’re a fucking coward!” “I’m done.” “Fucking coward.” “I’m done. Get out!” What the fuck did I just do?! I just wanna rip my heart out of my chest, and tear in into a million pieces. I hate this. I fucking hate this! He looked so fucking hurt. The fantasy shit. Why the fuck did I just say that?! Am I a fucking coward?! I sure as shit feel like one now. Are you happy now Jeanne?! Are you fucking happy?! This had better be fucking worth it!
We’re Still Bro’s:
Gabe knows. I don’t know how he knows, but he knows. Shaun must have said something. Or maybe he figured it out by himself. It doesn’t fucking matter anyway. Things aren’t gonna be the same between us. I’ve slept with his brother, how can things be the same between us? And why the fuck is he asking me about guys giving head and if so and so’s hot? What the fuck?! Seriously?! God, I can’t handle this shit right now. I can’t fucking handle anything right now. Are Gabe and I still bro’s? I hope so. I don’t wanna lose my best friend over this. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve friends, or love, or anything really. Some people just wind-up by themselves. Maybe I’ll be one of those people.
Enough To Hurt:
I haven’t been able to eat, sleep, or do anything these last few weeks. I know what’s wrong with me, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so fucking pathetic. And maybe I could have sent in my Cal Arts application if I wouldn’t have been such a fucking dumbass and lost it. I’m so fucking stupid. Somebody painted over my artwork, too. That sucks, I was so proud of that mural. Well, I guess it’ll help me move on that much more. I really don’t wanna work at the fucking Oceannete, but we do need the money around here. It’s not like I have any sort of life now or anything to look forward to, so I might as well bury myself into these jobs. It’ll help me keep my mind off things anyway. But I can’t stop the dreams when they come. They are intense. I remember the passion, and the intensity of what it was like to be with Shaun. The hurt I caused him must have been unbearable. How could I have done that to him? But most of all, I remember what it felt like to be loved. That’s why I have to bury myself in work and helping out around the house. It’ll help me to forget what it was like to be loved.
Zach Gets A Call From Cal Arts:
I can’t face Jeanne anymore. Sure, she hugged me once outside of work, but other than that nothing. No appreciation for what I do, or what I’ve given up, nothing. I can barely stand to be around her. I’m so ashamed for feeling this way, so it’s best if I stay in my car. It’s where I belong, anyway. Outside. Away from my family. It’s what I deserve. Wow, Cal Arts called? How could they, I didn’t send in…..wait. The Ocean Beach address? Shaun. Shaun sent in my application? Oh my god. Wait, was I completely wrong? Did I just make a huge mistake? Fuck!
Jeanne Reveals She’s Moving To Oregon:
Jesus Christ, Jeanne’s taking goddamn pills to sleep now? What the fuck is wrong with her?! “Wait. Zach, wait. Alan got that job.” “Yeah?” “In Portland, and he asked me to go with him. I can make good money there and….but they don’t take kids.” “What do you mean they don’t take kids?” “I don’t know, they just don’t take kids. Allan’s not really into it, anyway. Cody’s gonna have to stay with you and Poppy at least until we get set-up.” “With me and dad for how long?” “I don’t know, six months maybe a year. Zach, the Oceanette’s is not cutting it, I can makes three times that up there.” I just have to throw my hands up at this one. I have to get outta here, I can’t fucking stand her anymore. Sometimes she just makes me feel so worthless. She preaches on and on to me about family, and being there for Cody, but yet she’s completely willing to go with that fucking loser to Portland and abandon her son?! What kind of a mother does that? God, I gave up Shaun just to make her happy. I gave up my future to help her, and this is how she repays me? Did she ever even love me? Does she even care about anyone besides herself? Well, I no longer think I’m worthless. Fuck this, I’m going to that campus, and I’m gonna try my hardest to get back in. I have to do this.
Zach Waits Outside Cal Arts:
Okay Zach, you can do this. Just go in there, and do it. They accepted you before, and they probably will again. Hell, they offered you a full ride last time. Okay, okay, breathe. I can do this. Here we go…..
Zach Tells Tori:
I don’t know what I’m gonna do about Cody. Maybe Jeanne will have to stay here and take care of him. Maybe I’m being a little selfish here, but I’m not giving up this scholarship. Not again. But, I gave and gave and gave for five years, and Jeanne never once showed any appreciation. I’m doing this for me. But what about Cody? Maybe she’ll have to stay behind with him. I don’t know if I’ll be doing the dorm thing or not, maybe I can find an apartment. I’ll worry about this later. It blows my mind that Tori figured me out. Am I that obvious? And she is the only reason I wish I wasn’t, I’m not bullshitting there. Now she’s asked the big question; do I love him? How do I answer that? I don’t know if I….well, now that I think about it, he is probably the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And he seems to love me, and when we’re together, even just lying in bed talking about nothing, being with him makes me feel whole and complete. He just, words just can’t describe how much I….love him. Oh my god, I’m fucking in love with him. I love him! Oh god, what the fuck have I done?! Okay, I have a plan. I have to try to fix us. Hopefully I can.
What Changed? I Did:
Tori and I just spent the whole evening coming up with plans to get him back. The walkie talkies seems like a good way to break the ice. Hopefully he hears the static. Please Shaun, please. Okay, he’s not talking. Shit! Okay, I’ll try something. “Say something.” “You say something.” Yes! He spoke! “Student was bad, made bad judgment call. Not see truth.” “Where are you?” “Getting warmer…..colder……turn around.” Shit, he looks a little angry. Frankly, I would be too though. Okay Zach, here goes nothing. “I’m so sorry.” “You better be.” “You sent in my application?” “Yeah. Why are you here? What changed?” “I did. Will you help me?” That’s the truth Shaun, I swear. I want you, I need you. Please, please, please. “Are you serious. Of course. Anything.” YES!!!! “Anything?” “Yes!” “I got in. Full ride.” “Yes! I knew it. Are you serious?!” “Yeah, I really wanna go this time.” “Of course.” “I turned down the scholarship before. Yeah….my mom, Cody, everything I just couldn’t walk out. I never told anyone.” “Wow…” “I really wanna go this time, and you did say you live close.” “Well then, let’s do it.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. I’m so proud of you, man. I’m so proud of you.” Now he’s hugging me, and I’m hugging him. There are just….no words. I feel like I’m melting into him, and it feels so wonderful. And he’s pressing his lips to mine, and it’s the most wonderful feeling on Earth.
Zach Confronts Jeanne:
All the way here Shaun has told me everything’s going to be okay. And this plan is brilliant. Either she stays, or Cody goes with us. She can call me a fag or whatever, but I’m so fucking proud of Shaun and being gay, that I flat-out don’t care. It’s such a shitty thing she’s doing to Cody. Okay, here we go. I need Shaun to hold my hand. Plus, it’ll show what Shaun and I have with each other. Perfect. Now she looks upset, and wants to know if I’m bailing on her. ME bailing?! I’m not the one abandoning my fucking son! I can’t believe that asshole said that to Cody! She’s leaving Cody for this son of a bitch?! Okay Zach, calm down. Be cool. Watching Shaun go in to check on Cody is just amazing. Okay, stand your ground Zach. You can do this. “Shaun is really great, Jeanne. He really cares about Cody and me. If he can’t be with you then this is the next best thing. We’re gonna make it work. Jeanne, take a look around. Every kid should be so lucky. What else could you possibly want for him? I got into Cal Arts.” “I know.” “You know. Were you gonna tell me?” Yeah, right. Probably never. Breathe, this is going okay so far. “They told me you turned it down last time.” “I’m not going to again.” “No, you shouldn’t.” “He’ll be fine with us. Or stay, it’s your choice.” “Zach, if this thing with Alan doesn’t work out, it’s best that he’s here with you.” “He’s in good hands, I promise.” This is probably the most affectionate hug she’s ever given me. I can’t help but feel a little bit sad, but I’m also looking forward to the future. It looks like I’m finally going to have the family I’ve always wanted. And that does make me happy. My heart feels like it’s going to explode now that Shaun and Cody are standing here with me. “You ready?” Definitely.
Happy Ending:
These past few months have been the absolute best time of my entire life. It’s new, and scary, but oh is it wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Cody is such a joy, and I’ve never seen him happier. He loves Shaun, and Shaun loves him to death. He has started to call us his “daddies” which is impossible to discourage. And Shaun, my heart I’m sure will eventually burst from how much love I have for him. I love him more with every touch, hug, kiss, supportive word, every caress of my skin, when he holds me in his arms while we sleep, every stroke of my cheek, every time we make love, just everything. I love him from morning till night, with every fiber of my being. And I know he loves me too, because he tells me so at least twenty times every day. Even when he doesn’t say it, I know he loves me. After waiting all my life, I’ve finally found it. My family, and my reason for living. I finally have what I want.
Author: jrb1986
Rating: R (Strong Language)
Characters: Zach, Shaun, Jeanne, Tori, Gabe, Cody
Notes/Warnings: This story takes place at various point throughout the film, where Zach expresses in his mind what he thinks about his obligations, people in his life, and what he actually wants. I’m writing this in first person format which I haven’t done in years. I also lifted some dialogue from the movie. This is just for fun, not for monetary gain or anything. This is self-beta’d, so all mistakes are completely mine. I also do not own the movie “Shelter,” nor do I own Zach, Shaun, Jeanne, Tori, Gabe, or Cody, although I personally would love to have Zach and Shaun! Don’t worry, I promise to return them safely. I really hope you like it. Enjoy!
The Opening Credits:
Going skateboarding and tagging my artwork is such a nice escape. Honestly, it’s just nice to get out of the house. Plus it takes my mind off having to go to work later. At least I get to see Gabe later before he has to leave. That’ll be nice, just shoot the shit for awhile.
Jeanne Asks Zach To Watch Cody:
I wish Jeanne hadn’t asked me to take Cody to work with me. Poor kid’s gonna get bored soon. At least he has his crayons. God, I love that kid, he’s being so well behaved. Shit, my replacement’s late. I hope I don’t have to stay and close-up. I really wanna see Gabe before he leaves. Sometimes this job really sucks. Stop thinking that, Zach! Jeanne really needs the help, and I wanna help her. Toughen up, Zach. It’s just a job.
Zach Returns From Seeing Gabe:
It was a blast spending time with Gabe. I’d like to visit him sometime. I wasn’t crazy about his college friends last time, but they’re his friends, so that’s cool. It’s getting dark, and I wanna head out for a surf session. Jeanne says Ellen is coming over. Ugh, I definitely wanna miss that. All she does is sit around with Jeanne and smoke and drink. Don’t think like that Zach, she can be nice. Jeanne I think wants to set us up or something. Thanks but no thanks. I definitely don’t feel like dating now. The water should be amazing. I can’t wait.
Babysitting (Again):
Babysitting again. Cody’s sleeping like a little angel. I really should buy him some new shoes. I’ll try to get him some cool shoes. Tori sounded kind of distracted on the phone, but that’s okay. She’s out having fun, which she has a perfect right to do. I wish Jeanne and Allan wouldn’t have been so loud coming in. But that’s none of my business. Some of these sketches are coming out pretty nicely.
Zach Meets Shaun Again:
I really need to wax this board. I know Gabe doesn’t mind me breaking into his house to wax my board. “I thought your ghetto ass would be done breaking and entering by now.” Holy shit, it’s Shaun! “Then change the code, bitch!” Wow, he looks really good. It’s awesome that he’s here. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to. Wow, I’m smiling. Maybe he’ll want to go surfing. That’d be great. Yes! He wants to go surfing. He seems to like being called “master.” That’s funny.
After Surfing:
The water was amazing. It was nice to have somebody to surf with for a change. I love how easy it is to talk to Shaun. He’s an old friend, that must be why. It’s kinda hard to talk about Jeanne being a mom. Sometimes I feel like I’m Cody’s parent. I can’t think like that! Jeanne does her best.
The Bonfire:
Sitting by the fire with my friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Weird. Maybe I just haven’t seen them enough. Oh well, at least Shaun decided to grab a few beers too. It’s hard to talk to Tori lately, I’ve noticed. Normally we break-up then get back together again. I’m fairly certain I don’t want to do that. I can’t deal with a girl right now. And what the fuck was up with Billy asking me if I was a “fag?” No wonder Shaun got up. I would too if I were him. I figured out awhile ago why that word would make him uncomfortable. He seems okay, though. Good. Ugh, is Jeanne drunk again? Yup. Fuck. Why the fuck does she drink so much? She’s gonna wind up hurting herself and possibly Cody. No. I won’t let that happen. I’ll stop by Shaun’s tomorrow. Hopefully he’ll want to go surfing again. I can’t wait.
Zach And Shaun Talk On The Walkie Talkies:
It’s cool that Shaun wanted to talk on those walkie-talkies. Watching that movie with Tori was not fun at all. The movie sucked, and for some reason I just didn’t feel like kissing her. I wonder what that’s about. Oh well, I’ll think about that later. I love talking with Shaun, he’s so cool. My tone of voice seems to change whenever I talk to him. I feel happier. It’s a nice feeling. He does look really good, even better than I remembered. Ha, why am I thinking about that? Hey, he’s good looking, anybody would notice that. I’m sure they do. It sounds like he’s watching that stupid skating video Gabe and I made a long time ago. Interesting.
Zach Wants To Go Surfing With Shaun Again:
Please be home. Please be home, Shaun. I know I can go surfing by myself, but I really wanna hang, so please be home. Thank god he answered, but what the fuck is he wearing?! Ha, a blue robe and some scarf? I gotta laugh at that. “It’s breaking heavy, let’s roll to the ‘bu.” “I’m working.” Oh fuck. Allrighty, how’s about some reverse psychology? “Allright, I’ll see you later then.” “Hey, wait. I’ll come.” Yes! “Uh dude, you might wanna change first.” He glared at me in a funny way, but hey I thought I was funny.
After Zach And Shaun Surf:
I can’t believe I never knew about this surfing spot. The water’s great here, this is totally rad. Is it wrong that I’m starting to think Shaun looks really hot in his wetsuit? It’s all tight and…..never mind. Dude, stop thinking that. Seriously, what the fuck?! I don’t notice chicks in their bathing suits, but yet I notice Shaun? This is kinda weird. Oh well, anybody with eyes can see that he’s attractive, right? Shaun keeps asking me about my artwork, which is really cool. He seems genuinely interested. That’s amazing, hardly anybody ever cares about my artwork besides Gabe occasionally and mostly Cody. Maybe I should ask him about his book. After all, I’ve only read it about 50 times. For some reason the love scene between the two male main characters is permanently burned into my consciousness. God, I am so fucking weird. “I just never knew that you knew about me” Shaun says when I tell him I’ve read it. I better change the subject. Maybe he doesn’t wanna talk about it. That’s cool, I can understand that. It’d definitely be something I don’t ever think I could discuss if I were like him. But I’m not. Am I?
The Kiss:
God, I’m so fucking wasted. But I kinda want another beer. Maybe Shaun wants one too. Wait, is he looking at my portfolio? Nobody ever looks at that. God, I’m so embarrassed! He’s gonna think they suck. But he says it’s okay and he wants to look at it. He could even tell what was going in in the drawing of Cody. He even called it incredible! Ha, I can’t believe he’s wrestling me! Damn, it feels nice to have him on top of me! God, he looks fucking sexy lying there next to me. I kinda want him to….wait.…is he gonna…..I think he’s going to…..mmm. Oh this feels nice. Shit, I don’t want this to stop. So this is what kissing is supposed to feel like? Holy shit, this is incredible! Please don’t stop Shaun, please don’t stop….
The Morning After:
“Shit!” It’s almost 8:00, and I have to fucking drive Jeanne to work. Did I do what I think I did? What does this mean. Am I gay or something? I don’t think I am. Shaun’s just a really good kisser, right. I’m sure anybody would say so. Yeah, that’s gotta be it. I’m so fucking confused.
Zach Driving Jeanne To Work:
“I think maybe I should reapply to Cal Arts.” Man, that felt good to say. I’d love to go to Cal Arts. That’d be so awesome. Why did Jeanne seem so against the idea? Wait, she doesn’t know that….never mind, it doesn’t matter. She might be right. I’m sure she wants what’s best for me. And she still does need help with Cody. Kissing Tori just didn’t feel right. All I wanna do now is kiss Shaun. His lips were so soft, and it just felt so right. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?
Jeanne Interrogates Zach About Hanging Out With Shaun:
“I hear you’ve been hanging out with Shaun.” Shit, I wonder why Jeanne wants to talk about Shaun. Does she know that we kissed? No, there’s no possible way she could know. It seems weird that she doesn’t want Cody to be around him. I guess she has a point. But Shaun’s not like that, he’s a great guy. But she’s Cody’s mom, and knows what’s best for him. And why did she just ask me if I’m a fag? How the fuck do I answer that?! Christ, I don’t fucking know anymore. I don’t know what to do.
Zach Tries To Avoid Shaun On The Beach:
“Hey dude. I tried calling you.” “I’ve been really busy.” That’s a lie. Why am I lying? Maybe Jeanne was right, maybe Shaun has a slight influence on me. But he’s so amazing, though. Jeanne would fucking flip if she saw Shaun helping Cody make the sandcastle. “Let’s go talk.” Shit, Tori wants to talk. Whatever, I know what’s coming. I know I don’t want to be in a relationship with her, so why string her along? I wish I could still be in love with her and want to be with her, but I don’t. It doesn’t feel right at all. Maybe I don’t deserve anybody. I’ll never feel as happy as I felt when Shaun was kissing me anyway, so what would be the point? Fuck, I just wanna leave. Shaun says he thinks I’m talented. I gotta go, I just wanna be alone. Shaun looked kinda hurt with the way I reacted. I really don’t want to hurt him.
Zach Conflicted:
Deep breath Zach, deep breath. You’ll get over this. It’s just a crush, totally harmless. But, he makes me feel so good, and so alive. God, I just want to touch him, kiss him, have him hold me. I wanna press his lips to mine. Have his arms around me. He’s amazing, and I think, no I’m certain he likes me too. I’ve never wanted anyone so bad in my life. But I can’t, oh but I want to. Fuck this, I’m gonna get something I want for the first time in my life. I gotta go for it.
Zach And Shaun Make Love:
Please be home. Please be home, Shaun. Oh god, he looks amazing. This is so right, I can’t hold back. He’s kissing me, and I’m kissing him. I want his lips permanently on mine. So this is how amazing sex is supposed to feel! I wanna scream with pleasure. Oh……my…..god…….please don’t stop Shaun. I never want this to stop……
The Morning After:
I feel warm and kinda fuzzy. It’s a nice feeling. A comfortable feeling. “Morning.” Shaun has his arm around me. Oh, this feels nice. I have an idea. An awesome idea. I wanna go out and paint something. I’m definitely getting an idea. “What time is it?” “Why, you got somewhere to go?” “Yeah.” I start to get up, but Shaun pulls me closer to him. I think I could lie here forever. That’d be amazing. But I can’t let this muse get away from me. Gotta paint it while it’s fresh in my mind. I hope Shaun knows I definitely plan on coming back. I think he does.
Zach Finds His Artistic Inspiration:
Am I gay? Well, am I attracted to girls? Nah, not really. I honestly don’t think I ever really was. Am I attracted to guys? Pretty much, yeah. Do I wanna be with Shaun? Definitely. Oh my god, I’m totally fucking gay. If this is what gay feels like, bring it on. God, I’m so fucking happy! This is what being happy feels like. I must look so goofy right now, but who cares? I’m gay, I’m happy, and this painting on this building is gonna be fucking amazing.
Jeanne Asks Zach To Watch Cody Again:
I’m gonna see Shaun this weekend. All weekend. I’m so excited. Jeanne tried to call me last night? For what, she was here all night. Probably wanted me to babysit or something. Sorry, I was kinda busy having amazing sex. She’d flip if I told her that. Maybe I should have been here for her. Oh well. Okay, I’m always here for Cody. Jesus, the one night I go out and have fun, and she’s complaining. Whatever. Fuck! Why the fuck does she want me to babysit Cody this weekend of all weekends?! Jesus Christ, he’s her son. Who am I fucking? I don’t think she really wants to know. I know, I know she really needs me, but I did kinda want some alone time this weekend. Is that so wrong?
Shaun Calls To Set-up A Date With Zach:
Some color would do these walls in here some good. Red looks awesome. Holy shit, it’s Shaun! Okay Zach, just be cool. Nonchalant. Totally cool. Shit, why did I say I couldn’t come over tonight. Yes, I can, I want to! Jeanne doesn’t want Cody there, I know that much. Okay, I guess I’ll take care of Cody, but I’m sure Shaun doesn’t wanna babysit. I hope he’s not mad. Wait, did he just say to bring him? This man is amazing. I can’t believe he’s okay with me bringing Cody. I don’t think my heart can beat any faster.
The Date:
Is it wrong that I kinda wanted to look a little nice for this? Nice, but casual. And Cody totally needed those new shoes. I want to look presentable. I guess in an odd way this is kinda like a date. Wait, this is a date. Leave the odd part out. Cool. I should probably watch the touchy-feely stuff around Cody though. He’s a little young to see that. “I admire what you’re doing for Cody. You don’t have to.” “Yeah, I do.” “It’s a choice, Zach.” “It’s family. My only one left.” “You get that from your mom.” “Yeah. Lucky me.” He’s right. My mom is really the only person who loved me growing up. Dad and I were never close, and Jeanne only seems to love me when she wants something. It sucks. Cody seems to love me. When Shaun puts his arms around me, I feel so warm and safe. Words just can’t describe it. I think he loves me too. I don’t get why. I mean, he awesome and amazing, yet I’m just some poor as fuck dude who hasn’t done one worthwhile thing in his life. I don’t get it. I don’t know why Shaun loves me, but I do know one thing, and that is that I could stay in his arms forever.
Right After The Big Gay Love Montage:
I’ve never felt better than I have these last few weeks. I don’t want this to end. I just hope nobody finds out. I really don’t want reality to come crashing in on me. I don’t want to deal with however my friends and Jeanne would react if they found out. It’s hard to keep a secret like this, but I know I have to. They’d fucking hate me if they knew. I can’t have that. Sometimes though, I don’t care. Like when Shaun caresses my naked body after we’ve made love, the way he smiles at me, the way he calls me “babe” which I admittedly like, the way he is with Cody, and mostly just him being him. He makes me laugh and feel wonderful. “So you heading back up to L.A. soon?” “Pretty happy here.” “Yeah.” I know this has to end sometime. I don’t really want it to, but realistically it has to. “Hey why don’t you come with me?” “Yeah, right.” “I’m serious. You could come with me, I live right near Cal Arts. You‘re so beautiful.” What do I say to that? I’m not beautiful. “Shut up!” “Learn to take a compliment.” “Thanks” “I’m so glad you’re here.” “Me too.” I really am. Now that I think about it, I really don’t want this to end. Maybe it’ll be all right. Maybe……oh fuck! Gabe! Fuck! What the fuck is he doing here?! Just be cool. Be cool. Okay, I’m gonna sneak out all stealthy-like. Deep breath. Just be cool.
Jeanne Confronts Zach About Shaun:
The beach was admittedly kind of fun. I wish Shaun had just been cool, though. I know he’s affectionate and whatnot, but we have to be careful now. Gabe’s comment about my wearing Shaun’s shirt kinda made me nervous. Oh well, I shouldn’t think about it. I wonder what’s wrong with Jeanne, she’s looking at me really weird. “Please tell me he’s just confused. Zach why didn’t you tell me?” “Tell you what?” “Okay, your confusion is one thing, but brining Cody into this is just totally fucked!” Oh shit, she knows. Cody must have said something about going to Shaun’s. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh now she’s gonna preach to ME about family?! I’m not the one who goes out and gets fucking drunk all the goddamn time! I’m the one who takes care of Cody, and I’m the one who taught him to have a sense of family. Not her, ME! What the fuck, does she think she’s mother of the fucking year now?! And Shaun’s a million times better than that sleazy mother fucker she’s going out with. But I have a relationship with a guy, and I’m the one who’s wrong?! I don’t fucking understand her. I’ve reduced myself to a little piece of ass?! Okay, okay, is that the best upbringing for Cody? Am I a good enough man to raise Cody? She does have a point. I mean, I’m hiding the relationship, so there must be something wrong with it. I can’t be in a relationship where I have to hide from my family and friends. I have to think about this. But let’s face it, I’m always wrong about this stuff anyway, so I’m probably wrong about this.
The Break-Up:
Why did I even go to this fucking party? I just want to be alone. Why is Shaun here? I can’t see him right now. Fuck, I can’t believe I’m about to do this. But I have to hold my family together, so my happiness doesn’t really matter if it’ll keep my family together. “I don’t know if this is what I want.” “Seems like what you want.” “I don’t know if this is what I want. For good.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you. This is all totally new to me.” “Look, we’ll get through the Gabe thing-””No, it’s not that, Shaun. You just don’t get it, okay. I just can’t take what I want, my life is not like that.” “You’ll never get what you want unless you take it.” “Take it? You know, you and Gabe have always been able to take what you want no questions asked. You don’t realize that it’s not like that for other people, it’s fucking ignorant!” “Oh, and you and Jeanne just blame everyone else because you can’t do anything for yourselves? What do you call that?! Look. Fuck! Why are you doing this?!” “Don’t get all emotional and faggy on me, okay?” “What?!” “I’m sick of being your childhood wet dream, Shaun. Find another fucking fantasy!” “You know what, you’re a fucking coward!” “I’m done.” “Fucking coward.” “I’m done. Get out!” What the fuck did I just do?! I just wanna rip my heart out of my chest, and tear in into a million pieces. I hate this. I fucking hate this! He looked so fucking hurt. The fantasy shit. Why the fuck did I just say that?! Am I a fucking coward?! I sure as shit feel like one now. Are you happy now Jeanne?! Are you fucking happy?! This had better be fucking worth it!
We’re Still Bro’s:
Gabe knows. I don’t know how he knows, but he knows. Shaun must have said something. Or maybe he figured it out by himself. It doesn’t fucking matter anyway. Things aren’t gonna be the same between us. I’ve slept with his brother, how can things be the same between us? And why the fuck is he asking me about guys giving head and if so and so’s hot? What the fuck?! Seriously?! God, I can’t handle this shit right now. I can’t fucking handle anything right now. Are Gabe and I still bro’s? I hope so. I don’t wanna lose my best friend over this. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve friends, or love, or anything really. Some people just wind-up by themselves. Maybe I’ll be one of those people.
Enough To Hurt:
I haven’t been able to eat, sleep, or do anything these last few weeks. I know what’s wrong with me, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so fucking pathetic. And maybe I could have sent in my Cal Arts application if I wouldn’t have been such a fucking dumbass and lost it. I’m so fucking stupid. Somebody painted over my artwork, too. That sucks, I was so proud of that mural. Well, I guess it’ll help me move on that much more. I really don’t wanna work at the fucking Oceannete, but we do need the money around here. It’s not like I have any sort of life now or anything to look forward to, so I might as well bury myself into these jobs. It’ll help me keep my mind off things anyway. But I can’t stop the dreams when they come. They are intense. I remember the passion, and the intensity of what it was like to be with Shaun. The hurt I caused him must have been unbearable. How could I have done that to him? But most of all, I remember what it felt like to be loved. That’s why I have to bury myself in work and helping out around the house. It’ll help me to forget what it was like to be loved.
Zach Gets A Call From Cal Arts:
I can’t face Jeanne anymore. Sure, she hugged me once outside of work, but other than that nothing. No appreciation for what I do, or what I’ve given up, nothing. I can barely stand to be around her. I’m so ashamed for feeling this way, so it’s best if I stay in my car. It’s where I belong, anyway. Outside. Away from my family. It’s what I deserve. Wow, Cal Arts called? How could they, I didn’t send in…..wait. The Ocean Beach address? Shaun. Shaun sent in my application? Oh my god. Wait, was I completely wrong? Did I just make a huge mistake? Fuck!
Jeanne Reveals She’s Moving To Oregon:
Jesus Christ, Jeanne’s taking goddamn pills to sleep now? What the fuck is wrong with her?! “Wait. Zach, wait. Alan got that job.” “Yeah?” “In Portland, and he asked me to go with him. I can make good money there and….but they don’t take kids.” “What do you mean they don’t take kids?” “I don’t know, they just don’t take kids. Allan’s not really into it, anyway. Cody’s gonna have to stay with you and Poppy at least until we get set-up.” “With me and dad for how long?” “I don’t know, six months maybe a year. Zach, the Oceanette’s is not cutting it, I can makes three times that up there.” I just have to throw my hands up at this one. I have to get outta here, I can’t fucking stand her anymore. Sometimes she just makes me feel so worthless. She preaches on and on to me about family, and being there for Cody, but yet she’s completely willing to go with that fucking loser to Portland and abandon her son?! What kind of a mother does that? God, I gave up Shaun just to make her happy. I gave up my future to help her, and this is how she repays me? Did she ever even love me? Does she even care about anyone besides herself? Well, I no longer think I’m worthless. Fuck this, I’m going to that campus, and I’m gonna try my hardest to get back in. I have to do this.
Zach Waits Outside Cal Arts:
Okay Zach, you can do this. Just go in there, and do it. They accepted you before, and they probably will again. Hell, they offered you a full ride last time. Okay, okay, breathe. I can do this. Here we go…..
Zach Tells Tori:
I don’t know what I’m gonna do about Cody. Maybe Jeanne will have to stay here and take care of him. Maybe I’m being a little selfish here, but I’m not giving up this scholarship. Not again. But, I gave and gave and gave for five years, and Jeanne never once showed any appreciation. I’m doing this for me. But what about Cody? Maybe she’ll have to stay behind with him. I don’t know if I’ll be doing the dorm thing or not, maybe I can find an apartment. I’ll worry about this later. It blows my mind that Tori figured me out. Am I that obvious? And she is the only reason I wish I wasn’t, I’m not bullshitting there. Now she’s asked the big question; do I love him? How do I answer that? I don’t know if I….well, now that I think about it, he is probably the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And he seems to love me, and when we’re together, even just lying in bed talking about nothing, being with him makes me feel whole and complete. He just, words just can’t describe how much I….love him. Oh my god, I’m fucking in love with him. I love him! Oh god, what the fuck have I done?! Okay, I have a plan. I have to try to fix us. Hopefully I can.
What Changed? I Did:
Tori and I just spent the whole evening coming up with plans to get him back. The walkie talkies seems like a good way to break the ice. Hopefully he hears the static. Please Shaun, please. Okay, he’s not talking. Shit! Okay, I’ll try something. “Say something.” “You say something.” Yes! He spoke! “Student was bad, made bad judgment call. Not see truth.” “Where are you?” “Getting warmer…..colder……turn around.” Shit, he looks a little angry. Frankly, I would be too though. Okay Zach, here goes nothing. “I’m so sorry.” “You better be.” “You sent in my application?” “Yeah. Why are you here? What changed?” “I did. Will you help me?” That’s the truth Shaun, I swear. I want you, I need you. Please, please, please. “Are you serious. Of course. Anything.” YES!!!! “Anything?” “Yes!” “I got in. Full ride.” “Yes! I knew it. Are you serious?!” “Yeah, I really wanna go this time.” “Of course.” “I turned down the scholarship before. Yeah….my mom, Cody, everything I just couldn’t walk out. I never told anyone.” “Wow…” “I really wanna go this time, and you did say you live close.” “Well then, let’s do it.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. I’m so proud of you, man. I’m so proud of you.” Now he’s hugging me, and I’m hugging him. There are just….no words. I feel like I’m melting into him, and it feels so wonderful. And he’s pressing his lips to mine, and it’s the most wonderful feeling on Earth.
Zach Confronts Jeanne:
All the way here Shaun has told me everything’s going to be okay. And this plan is brilliant. Either she stays, or Cody goes with us. She can call me a fag or whatever, but I’m so fucking proud of Shaun and being gay, that I flat-out don’t care. It’s such a shitty thing she’s doing to Cody. Okay, here we go. I need Shaun to hold my hand. Plus, it’ll show what Shaun and I have with each other. Perfect. Now she looks upset, and wants to know if I’m bailing on her. ME bailing?! I’m not the one abandoning my fucking son! I can’t believe that asshole said that to Cody! She’s leaving Cody for this son of a bitch?! Okay Zach, calm down. Be cool. Watching Shaun go in to check on Cody is just amazing. Okay, stand your ground Zach. You can do this. “Shaun is really great, Jeanne. He really cares about Cody and me. If he can’t be with you then this is the next best thing. We’re gonna make it work. Jeanne, take a look around. Every kid should be so lucky. What else could you possibly want for him? I got into Cal Arts.” “I know.” “You know. Were you gonna tell me?” Yeah, right. Probably never. Breathe, this is going okay so far. “They told me you turned it down last time.” “I’m not going to again.” “No, you shouldn’t.” “He’ll be fine with us. Or stay, it’s your choice.” “Zach, if this thing with Alan doesn’t work out, it’s best that he’s here with you.” “He’s in good hands, I promise.” This is probably the most affectionate hug she’s ever given me. I can’t help but feel a little bit sad, but I’m also looking forward to the future. It looks like I’m finally going to have the family I’ve always wanted. And that does make me happy. My heart feels like it’s going to explode now that Shaun and Cody are standing here with me. “You ready?” Definitely.
Happy Ending:
These past few months have been the absolute best time of my entire life. It’s new, and scary, but oh is it wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Cody is such a joy, and I’ve never seen him happier. He loves Shaun, and Shaun loves him to death. He has started to call us his “daddies” which is impossible to discourage. And Shaun, my heart I’m sure will eventually burst from how much love I have for him. I love him more with every touch, hug, kiss, supportive word, every caress of my skin, when he holds me in his arms while we sleep, every stroke of my cheek, every time we make love, just everything. I love him from morning till night, with every fiber of my being. And I know he loves me too, because he tells me so at least twenty times every day. Even when he doesn’t say it, I know he loves me. After waiting all my life, I’ve finally found it. My family, and my reason for living. I finally have what I want.
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