Fic: "Dawn"
Aug. 20th, 2009 03:05 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
dawning-star.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
shelter_dinerTitle: Dawn
Fandom: Shelter
Characters: Jeanne, Zach/Shaun
Rated: G
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: The truth can hurt -- but sometimes, it doesn't have to.
“I love my son. But I gave him up.”
--------------------------
It had taken seven years in a nightmarish relationship fueled by fury and booze for Jeanne to begin to think that maybe some of the problems in her life traced back to her. Another two years would pass before the state of Oregon deemed it appropriate to incarcerate Alan after repeated arrests for assorted crimes not of the misdemeanor type.
Once she was by herself, she had no distractions from her thoughts. She often stared at a small Christmas card held to the refrigerator by a magnet. Zach sent her one faithfully every year along with letters each month, detailing the various happenings in his life with Shaun and how fast Cody was growing. Each time a letter arrived, she spent the night drunk. Each time one arrived with a picture, she remained in a blackout for days.
During one such blackout, she apparently had wandered into a meeting room. For some reason, they didn't ask her to leave. Most people did – or they left her before she thought to leave them.
Someone, an older lady with grey hair and kind eyes, took her into her home, fed her tea with honey, and remained with her while she shook out the remains of that drunk.
“Feeling any better?” The lady, Sue, had asked once the shakes had finally stopped.
“I love my son.” Tears welled up in Jeanne's eyes. “And I gave him up.”
Sue had hugged her, stroking her hair while she sobbed on her shoulder. “I killed mine,” she whispered against her hair. “During a blackout. I hit a telephone pole on his side of the car. I'm not drinking over it.”
Someone understood her.
Someone had been there.
~ ~ ~
Jeanne held the phone to her ear, hearing it ring dimly.
Pick up. Don't pick up. Pick up--
“Hello?”
Not Zach. She still remembered her brother's voice. Shaun.
“Hi Shaun. It's me.”
“Jeannie!” She could hear surprise in his voice. “Wow. We haven't heard from you in ages.”
She worried the phone cord with a finger. “I know. I'm not calling to give excuses or anything.”
“Did you need something?”
“No.” Not in the sense that he meant. “Just – can you give Zach a message for me?”
“Sure.” She could hear rustling in the background and presumed he was reaching for a pen and paper. “Not a problem. He's got a show this weekend so he's out setting that up.”
“How's Cody?” It wasn't a rote question this time. She saw his latest picture taped up on the refrigerator and missed her son with a fierceness that almost took her breath away. I'm not a good mother. Never was. But I have the right to miss him.
“Almost as tall as Zach, much to his ever-loving annoyance.” She heard the clear affection in Shaun's voice for both of the boys in question – though Zach was hardly a boy anymore.
He had made it. Somehow, despite the odds and Jeanne's own selfish desires, Zach had managed to find everything he needed and wanted. That much had been clear in between the lines in every letter, the smiles on the faces contained in every picture, and the simple happiness she heard in Shaun's voice as he spoke about him.
It was hard to cram the jealousy back where it belonged, but she tried. It wasn't about Zach in this moment. She needed to leave her message, an olive branch of sorts. What he chose to do with it afterward wasn't her concern --- Sue had told her that over and over again in the past six months.
She cleared her throat. “Ready?” Shaun made an assenting sound. She wet her bottom lip with her tongue. “I'm … I'm an alcoholic, Shaun. I was a horrible mother, a worse sister. I lied to and manipulated Zach to get what I wanted. I gave Cody up because it was easier. And,” she made a sound that might have been a laugh at any other time, but was probably closer to a sob, “I can't change any of that. I just …. I want to know what I can do to make things right.”
She could hear heavy breathing on the other side of the line.
“You're sober?” Shaun's voice was almost choked.
“Six months now.”
“Alan---”
“In prison. I'm not with anyone now.”
She heard Shaun swallowing. “I'll let Zach know that you called.”
“Thanks.” She swallowed hard in return. “Tell them I love them. And Shaun, thanks for being there for them.”
She hung up the phone, buried her face in her hands, and cried.
~ ~ ~
She didn't hear anything for the rest of that week. Sue listened her her fears over coffee and tea, gently reminding her once again that controlling other people was absolutely impossible. “Don't you have your hands full with yourself?”
She came home from that lunch out to see a familiar Jimmy parked outside of her apartment building. A lanky form leaned against it.
“Jeanne.” Happiness suited Zach well, she immediately saw.
“Zach.” He had her pulled into a hug before his name was complete.
//end//
Fandom: Shelter
Characters: Jeanne, Zach/Shaun
Rated: G
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: The truth can hurt -- but sometimes, it doesn't have to.
“I love my son. But I gave him up.”
--------------------------
It had taken seven years in a nightmarish relationship fueled by fury and booze for Jeanne to begin to think that maybe some of the problems in her life traced back to her. Another two years would pass before the state of Oregon deemed it appropriate to incarcerate Alan after repeated arrests for assorted crimes not of the misdemeanor type.
Once she was by herself, she had no distractions from her thoughts. She often stared at a small Christmas card held to the refrigerator by a magnet. Zach sent her one faithfully every year along with letters each month, detailing the various happenings in his life with Shaun and how fast Cody was growing. Each time a letter arrived, she spent the night drunk. Each time one arrived with a picture, she remained in a blackout for days.
During one such blackout, she apparently had wandered into a meeting room. For some reason, they didn't ask her to leave. Most people did – or they left her before she thought to leave them.
Someone, an older lady with grey hair and kind eyes, took her into her home, fed her tea with honey, and remained with her while she shook out the remains of that drunk.
“Feeling any better?” The lady, Sue, had asked once the shakes had finally stopped.
“I love my son.” Tears welled up in Jeanne's eyes. “And I gave him up.”
Sue had hugged her, stroking her hair while she sobbed on her shoulder. “I killed mine,” she whispered against her hair. “During a blackout. I hit a telephone pole on his side of the car. I'm not drinking over it.”
Someone understood her.
Someone had been there.
~ ~ ~
Jeanne held the phone to her ear, hearing it ring dimly.
Pick up. Don't pick up. Pick up--
“Hello?”
Not Zach. She still remembered her brother's voice. Shaun.
“Hi Shaun. It's me.”
“Jeannie!” She could hear surprise in his voice. “Wow. We haven't heard from you in ages.”
She worried the phone cord with a finger. “I know. I'm not calling to give excuses or anything.”
“Did you need something?”
“No.” Not in the sense that he meant. “Just – can you give Zach a message for me?”
“Sure.” She could hear rustling in the background and presumed he was reaching for a pen and paper. “Not a problem. He's got a show this weekend so he's out setting that up.”
“How's Cody?” It wasn't a rote question this time. She saw his latest picture taped up on the refrigerator and missed her son with a fierceness that almost took her breath away. I'm not a good mother. Never was. But I have the right to miss him.
“Almost as tall as Zach, much to his ever-loving annoyance.” She heard the clear affection in Shaun's voice for both of the boys in question – though Zach was hardly a boy anymore.
He had made it. Somehow, despite the odds and Jeanne's own selfish desires, Zach had managed to find everything he needed and wanted. That much had been clear in between the lines in every letter, the smiles on the faces contained in every picture, and the simple happiness she heard in Shaun's voice as he spoke about him.
It was hard to cram the jealousy back where it belonged, but she tried. It wasn't about Zach in this moment. She needed to leave her message, an olive branch of sorts. What he chose to do with it afterward wasn't her concern --- Sue had told her that over and over again in the past six months.
She cleared her throat. “Ready?” Shaun made an assenting sound. She wet her bottom lip with her tongue. “I'm … I'm an alcoholic, Shaun. I was a horrible mother, a worse sister. I lied to and manipulated Zach to get what I wanted. I gave Cody up because it was easier. And,” she made a sound that might have been a laugh at any other time, but was probably closer to a sob, “I can't change any of that. I just …. I want to know what I can do to make things right.”
She could hear heavy breathing on the other side of the line.
“You're sober?” Shaun's voice was almost choked.
“Six months now.”
“Alan---”
“In prison. I'm not with anyone now.”
She heard Shaun swallowing. “I'll let Zach know that you called.”
“Thanks.” She swallowed hard in return. “Tell them I love them. And Shaun, thanks for being there for them.”
She hung up the phone, buried her face in her hands, and cried.
~ ~ ~
She didn't hear anything for the rest of that week. Sue listened her her fears over coffee and tea, gently reminding her once again that controlling other people was absolutely impossible. “Don't you have your hands full with yourself?”
She came home from that lunch out to see a familiar Jimmy parked outside of her apartment building. A lanky form leaned against it.
“Jeanne.” Happiness suited Zach well, she immediately saw.
“Zach.” He had her pulled into a hug before his name was complete.
//end//
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 09:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 12:14 am (UTC)Very nicely done. You've made me miss the Shelter boys with an ache I hadn't realized I was missing. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 01:35 am (UTC)Very well done. More Shelter writing, please.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 03:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 05:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-22 06:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-21 05:15 pm (UTC)Great piece!
hugs
ana
no subject
Date: 2009-08-22 06:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-24 04:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-25 04:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 10:14 pm (UTC)