Fic: Confidence (Ch. 39)

[unavez18.livejournal.com]

Title: Ch. 39
Characters: Zach, Shaun, Cody, etc.
Rating: PG13
Notes:  Thanks to everyone for your support on my journey into angst-ville.  I'm now heading out of the darkness-- I draft my 'years' out in advance and I didn't want to put the angst too close to the end of this 'year' for fear that people would hate it, but ironically people seemed to have enjoyed it.  I hope no one is too disapointed by my return to the more every-day stuff.

 

 

 

 

Cody was turning eight.  While Zach might have thought that Cody’s continual growth would cause him to become nostalgic for the baby days, he discovered that he was so enthralled by the little person Cody was becoming that he’d gradually stopped feeling the tug of panic each time the boy outgrew his clothes.  He was still wrapped up in attempting to give Cody the perfect white-picket-fence childhood, perhaps even more so now that Jeannie was gone, and after the stresses of the year he was prepared to give him anything he wanted for his birthday.  Cody deliberated on the matter for several weeks but finally settled on the rather ordinary wish of having a sleepover at the house.

  

When Zach agreed immediately to the request he did not miss the smile playing on Shaun’s lips, and he knew full well what it was for—two years ago he had been too nervous about their relationship to even consider hosting Cody’s party at their old apartment.  The growth had been gradual but Zach had come a long way since then, in trusting in himself, in his relationship, and in Cody’s ability to handle the life they were living together.

 

Even in the good times, though, he knew that there were still trials ahead of them.  Jeannie’s death had shaken some of the burgeoning optimism out of him, but he had managed now to channel most of his grief into a fierce protectiveness of his family, the only thing that made life worth living. 

 

So it was with that mindset that he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle in agitation at the sight of Cody’s sullen face when he arrived to pick him up from school the week before his birthday.  His first assumption was that the awful parent had said something to him again; he and Shaun had both spoken to Cody’s teacher to make sure she was aware to keep them apart, but the near-retirement-age woman was not at all that attentive and Zach wasn’t sure they could count on her. 

 

Cody caught sight of him approaching and ran out to meet him, and it was then that Zach noticed Pete, his freckled shadow, dejectedly kicking at some pebbles several feet away. 

 

“What’s up, Codes?” Zach asked the pensive boy.

 

“Nothing.  Let’s go home,” Cody said without looking him in the eye.

 

Zach was suddenly struck by how much of a mixture Cody was of both he and Shaun.  He had a lot of Shaun’s facial expressions down pat, and a lot of Shaun’s humor, but he was starting to develop Zach’s habit of bottling things up and announcing that everything was ‘fine’ even when it was clear something was on his mind.  And Zach was determined to put a stop to that now before it got too far, knowing from experience that it was not a habit worth picking up.

 

“Codes, you know sometimes when people say ‘nothing’ . . . there’s really something bothering them that they want to talk about.  And I know I’m not always the best example, but I do know that when you keep things in it usually only makes them worse.”

 

Cody sighed, raising one eyebrow impatiently as Shaun often did when he was marginally annoyed.  “Fine, Zach,” he said with some exasperation.  “Pete said he can’t come to my sleepover party.”

 

“Why?  He’s busy that day?  You know we could have checked with him first, and picked a different day.”

 

Cody frowned.  “I don’t think that’s why,” he said.

 

Zach stopped in front of their car with a puzzled expression until the meaning behind Cody’s words sank in. 

 

“Oh,” he said quietly.  “Oh.”

 

Cody reached for his hand.  “Don’t be sad, Daddy,” he whispered.

 

Zach wasn’t sad, or at least he wasn’t until Cody reverted to calling him “Daddy,” something saved for the privacy of their home or especially emotional moments now that he was growing older.  It shouldn’t be his son’s job to comfort him; that was his responsibility.

 

“I’m not, Codes.  And don’t you be either.  I’m going to talk to Pete’s mom, okay?  Maybe we can straighten this out.”

 

“Okay, Daddy,” he said.

 

*

 

Peter Graham had been over to their apartment and now to their house on many, many occasions as he had earned the title of ‘best friend’ early on in Cody’s school career.  And his mother Saundra, although initially reluctant, had warmed up to them and had been a great help in watching Cody whenever the situation called for it.  But in the past two years Peter had never spent the night, and neither Zach nor Shaun had been much beyond the foyer of her house.  They had also never met Mr. Graham, a businessman who worked long hours and who rarely appeared to be home.

 

So neither Zach nor Shaun was surprised that he was not there when they stopped by Peter’s house that evening.  Zach had called ahead but had been deliberately vague about the nature of their visit, although he was sure Saundra had already guessed by the way her voice quavered on the phone when she’d said “of course she would just love to have them stop by.”

 

In a throwback to their first meeting nearly two years ago, Saundra had tea waiting for them in the living room.  Cody and Peter ran off together immediately; Cody had evidently forgiven his friend for his parents’ apparent transgression.

 

“So, Cody’s birthday party,” Shaun said before taking a sip of his tea.  “Cody tells me Peter can’t come?”

 

Saundra’s hand shook slightly as she raised her cup to her lips.  “Oh, yes, it’s a shame, we’re going to be busy that evening,” she said too quickly and too sweetly.

 

“Oh, cut the crap,” Zach blurted out, and then bit his tongue.  Shaun shot him a sideways glance, surprised at the outburst. 

 

Saundra’s face went pale, and if she hadn’t been wearing so much makeup, Zach imagined that her freckles would have stood out the same way Pete’s did when he wore a similar look.

 

He sighed and attempted a more level tone before continuing.  “Look, we may not hang out in the same social circles or anything, but we’ve come to count you as one of our friends.  I mean, you really helped us out this year . . . when . . . everything happened,” he swallowed, still too ashamed of his temporary abandonment of Cody and Shaun to discuss it out loud.  “And I know it wasn’t easy for you at first but in the past two years we really thought you’d gotten past your hang-ups.  And now you’re telling me it’s okay for Pete to come over, but not to spend the night?  How would you feel if we said Cody couldn’t stay over here because you’re too . . . I dunno, old or something?”

 

Shaun closed his eyes and kept them closed for a second before reaching out to squeeze Zach’s thigh.  “Easy, babe,” he said quietly.

 

Saundra’s eyes were watering and she looked like she would cry at any moment.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Zach retreated quickly, cursing his stumbling mouth.  “And that’s why I usually let Shaun handle these situations,” he attempted an apologetic smirk.  “He’s less of a spaz.”

 

Saundra shook her head.  “No, it’s fine.  And you have every right to be upset.  I just feel like such an awful person right now . . . if it were only up to me . . . but it’s not.  He’s Martin’s son too, and for some reason this is where he’s decided to draw a line.”

 

That was somewhat of a relief, but it was not the answer Zach was hoping for.  It was going to be much harder to convince an elusive man they’d never met to change his opinion about them. 

 

He rubbed at his eyes.  “Your turn, Shaun,” he mumbled.

 

Shaun chuckled sadly.  “Saundra, you’re an equal partner in your relationship, aren’t you?  Can’t you talk to him?”

 

“I’ve tried,” she sounded exasperated.  “He was never too keen on the whole thing, but he really is fond of Cody.  I’m not sure why he’s put his foot down now, but it’s come down hard and we’ve been arguing about it since.  We’re barely on speaking terms right now.”

 

The sound of the key in the door startled all of them as the now infamous man himself stepped through the door with a dozen red roses in his hand.  “Saundra?” he said as he entered.  “Honey, I--”  He stopped short as he caught sight of the three of them with their teacups sitting around the coffee table.

 

The hand with the roses dropped to his side, and a petal fell off one of the flowers and drifted to the ground.  “I didn’t know we had company,” he said, barely masking his irritation.

 

Shaun stood up and extended his hand as he introduced himself, and Zach followed suit.  Martin Graham took both their hands coldly.

 

He was a larger man, carrying some extra weight, with mostly-grayed hair.  He had thin lips and regarded them dispassionately through his glasses.

 

“Dad!” Peter came running into the room and threw his arms around his father.  “You’re home early!” 

 

Martin reached down and patted his son on the head awkwardly, while Cody, who had followed Pete, sidled up to Shaun.  He yanked at Shaun’s hand with expectant eyes.  “Dad, did you ask them yet?”

 

In the uneasy moment that followed, Saundra quickly interjected herself into the conversation.  “Pete, why don’t you take Cody and show him that new computer game you got last week?”

 

“Oh, yeah!” Pete cried, and the boys scampered off.

 

Zach and Shaun were still standing in front of Martin, who had now furrowed his brow, leaving deep creases on forehead.  “He calls you Dad?” he asked Shaun.  “I thought Saundra told me you weren’t even related.”

 

Shaun blinked a few times in surprise and appeared to be floundering for a response.

 

His protective instincts kicking in, Zach took a step forward.  “He’s our son.  Why wouldn’t he call us Dad?”  He glanced sideways at Shaun and saw his half-grin at the defense, and it filled him with more confidence than he thought he would feel in such a situation.

“Mr. Graham,” he continued, deciding to make use of the morale-high.  “We just stopped by to see if Peter could come to Cody’s party.  The two of them have been best friends for a while, and Cody would really be devastated if Peter can’t come.”

 

Martin looked over at his wife.  “Well I’m sure Saundra told you, we already have plans for that night,” he grumbled.

 

“Sir,” Zach started again, surprising himself at the use of the term, although it seemed fitting since the man in front of him was twice his age.  He felt it was an auspicious start, but things went downhill from there.  “Please don’t take your bigoted narrow-mindedness out on our son.” 

 

Fuck, Zach thought as soon as the words were out of his mouth.  He wasn’t sure how many more ridiculous things he was going to say in the course of this tense evening.  He’d been trying to take charge and show Shaun how much he’d grown, but all he seemed to be doing was insulting people left and right.

 

Martin’s eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared, and Zach took a step back, nearly tripping on Shaun.  He felt Shaun’s hand on his shoulder giving him a quick squeeze. 

 

Shaun stepped around Zach and began in his much more diplomatic tone.  “Sir,” he evidently decided that label was the way to go as well, “We’re just planning on getting some pizza and letting them watch a movie and play, and we’ll have lights out by 10 o’clock.  There’ll be a few other boys there as well that Cody has invited.  We never do anything inappropriate in front of the kids . . . you can ask Pete that; he’s spent enough time with us.”

 

Martin crossed his arms.  “I have.  He said he’s seen you kiss,” he declared defiantly.

 

Shaun glanced back at Zach, and their eyes locked in shared nervousness.  This wasn’t going well.

 

“Well, there’s a difference between a ‘kiss’ and a “peck”,” Shaun began patiently as if he were explaining to a child.  “And we only do that in front of him when one of us is coming or going.  It’s probably the same way you greet your wife . . .”  He trailed off in a sigh.  “But if you want us to stop doing that in front of Pete, I guess we can try.  We’re not trying to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Zach followed Martin’s gaze as it drifted towards his wife again.  Saundra had let a tear escape, and it was leaving a black and tan streak in its wake as it carried her mascara and foundation down the contours of her face.

.

Martin walked over to her and extended the hand that held the roses.  “I got these for you,” he said softly.

 

“Oh yes, they’re beautiful.”  She stood up to take them from his grasp, wiping away the tear.  “Thank you,” she added, giving him a quick peck on his lips.

 

“That,” Zach muttered, mostly under his breath, as he didn’t really trust himself to be saying anything right then.  Martin’s expression indicated that he had caught it, however, but had not understood.  “That’s what we’ve done in front of him,” Zach clarified, still quietly, but loud enough to be heard.

 

Saundra backed up a little and placed a hand on her hip, regarding her husband with awe as if something had suddenly clicked in her brain.  “Martin, you’re going to hold it against them because they do that?”

 

Martin’s mouth dropped open.  “I . . . uh . . .” Then he glanced at the floor.  “Fine, Saundra.  He can go.  Why don’t you go put the flowers in water?” he quickly changed the subject.

 

Not quite sure of what had just transpired, Zach let out a deep breath and reached for Shaun’s hand.

 

“Thanks,” Shaun said.    Martin still did not seem thrilled, but he nodded curtly.  “We’ll get out of your hair now, but, uh, let us know if you have any more questions.  And if not we’ll see Pete this weekend,” Shaun finished as he and Zach began to head towards the door, their hands still entwined.

 

Saundra wrapped her arms around her husband carefully so as not to crush the roses she was still holding as they called for Cody and said their goodbyes. 

 

“Did you ask?” Cody pestered again before they could leave.  Zach glanced back at the waiting couple.  “Yeah, Cody, Pete’s coming.”

 

“Yes!” Cody shouted with a jump, and Peter grinned.

 

*

 

“I’m a fucking mess,” Zach said once Cody had been tucked into bed that night.  “I’m really sorry about all the shit I said.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Shaun laughed.

 

“Are you kidding me?  I called Saundra an old hag and told her husband he was a bigot.”

 

“Okay, so maybe you could use some fine-tuning on your finesse, although there’s a kernel of truth behind both counts,” Shaun laughed.  “But honestly Zach, I’m really proud of you.  You were very take-charge in there.”

 

Zach regarded him with skeptic brows.

 

“It was kinda a turn-on, actually,” Shaun continued with a grin.  “Don’t get me wrong-- I’ve never minded taking you under my wing,” he teased, earning a playful punch.  “But there’s definitely something sexy about you being that confident now, knowing how much you’ve grown.”

 

Zach blushed.  “It’s a lot easier to be confident when you’re by my side.”

 

“Then that works out well for both of us, since that’s where I’m always going to be,” Shaun smiled.

 

They found their way to bed together and Zach settled on Shaun’s chest with one arm draped over him, his favorite place to be.  He played with the chain around Shaun’s neck, slipping his pinky finger in and out of the ring.

 

“Does it ever bother you when people question your relationship to Cody?” he asked, suddenly remembering Shaun’s uncharacteristic moment of insecurity during the events of the evening.

 

Shaun pulled Zach up so that he could kiss him.  “How could it when I have my comrade-in-arms there to defend me?  You guys are all I will ever need.”

 

Zach closed his eyes and smiled, feeling exactly the same way.

 

***