Fic: The House Guest

[jess-d-10.livejournal.com]

Title: The House Guest
Author: jess_d_10
Fandom: Shelter
Rating: R
Pairing; Characters: Zach/Shaun; Gabe, Cody
Chapter: 6
Summary: Gabe needs help more than he ever has before, so Zach and Shaun step up to the plate.
Previous Chapters:

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five

New Chapter:

Shaun

The birthday parties of seven-year-olds, Shaun was learning, are chaotic events. Despite their intentions to keep the party to a small group, there seemed to be hyper children everywhere, and Shaun wished he had at least one more set of hands and a pair of eyes in the back of his head as well. The party consisted of a day at the beach with Cody and six of his friends. With Zach, Gabe, and himself, they had three adults watching seven children, which seemed like a decent ratio, but children that age high on sugar and adrenaline were about double the handful they normally were. Shaun did not doubt for a second, though, that the party was completely worth the trouble. They had a picnic, played games, went swimming, and ate cake. Cody was ecstatic, and, Shaun was sure, would be talking about the party for weeks to come.

Of course, Shaun realized, he would not actually be around for weeks to come. March was already close to ending, and he would be leaving for his tour in less than a week. Part of him was excited, and looked forward to the opportunity he would have to meet people across the country who had read his book. Another part of him dreaded being away from his family for so long. It often felt like that part of him was bigger than the excited part.

He tried to take in every moment while he was still around, though. At Cody’s birthday party, this was easy since every second that he saw that huge grin on his son’s face, he knew Zach and him were doing something right as parents. He relished the time with his family on Cody’s actual birthday as well. They had thrown the party on a Saturday, but Cody turned seven on a Wednesday. They had a quiet family dinner of Cody’s favorite meal (which had changed since Shaun had first met Cody from mac and cheese to beef tacos with extra cheese), and then watched several episodes of Sponge Bob Square Pants together. It was a wonderful evening, which Shaun appreciated since the events of the afternoon had nearly ruined the entire day.

Since she relinquished her full parental rights to Zach, Jeanne was rarely in touch with them. Zach often talked about feeling guilty for this, as though he was somehow responsible for not keeping their family together, but Shaun firmly believed that it was best for everybody, especially Cody, if Jeanne was involved in their lives as little as possible. Shaun knew that Cody was still trying to sort through his feelings about his mother giving up on being his parent, and suspected that he would still be trying to comprehend those feelings into his adulthood. If Jeanne remained too much of a presence in Cody’s life, Shaun worried that it would confuse Cody even more, possibly hurt him.

Still, she graced them with the occasional phone call, and they had even seen her briefly in the fall. On Cody’s last birthday, not only did she call him, but she also sent him a birthday card containing a ten dollar bill. To six-year-old Cody, this had seemed like a small fortune, so he did not soon forget his mother’s generosity. Shaun appreciated Jeanne’s gesture. However, the problem was that Cody was expecting the same this birthday, the same little scrap of evidence that his mother still cared about him. When the big day rolled around and a card had still not come in the mail, Zach and Shaun both began to worry. By four o’clock that afternoon, they had also not gotten a phone call from her, so Zach tried to contact her. When he dialed her number, he got a message telling him that the number he was trying to reach was no longer in service. They had not heard from her in a few months: Shaun was not even surprised.

Zach and Shaun worked together in the kitchen putting together that night’s meal while Gabe entertained Cody in the living room. They stood next to each other while Shaun shredded lettuce and Zach chopped tomatoes.

“Maybe it would be better if we didn’t say anything to him at all,” Shaun suggested. “Maybe he won’t even notice that she forgot.”

Zach sighed and shook his head. “That isn’t going to work, Shaun. He’s been talking about that damn ten bucks for the past two weeks. He’s also been talking about telling her how good he’s gotten at surfing. He’s expecting to hear from her.”

“And I think that’s part of the problem. Maybe we need to work on not letting him have these expectations.”

“That’s not fair to Jeanne. I don’t want Cody to have a bad opinion of his mom. She does the best she can.”

Shaun had learned that he needed to tread carefully with Zach when he brought up his sister. He knew now that Zach got defensive when Shaun pointed out Jeanne’s many faults. “Zach, I understand what you’re saying, but I think it’d be better for Cody if he had a more realistic view of his mom. Otherwise, he’s just going to keep getting hurt.”

Zach didn’t say anything while he transferred the tomatoes he had just diced from his cutting board to a bowl, and went to the fridge to get a block of cheese. “Look,” he finally said, quietly, “I don’t want him to hate her. I don’t ever want him to hate her. I know you’ve seen the worst of Jeanne with her leaving him, but you weren’t there for the first five years of Cody’s life. Jeanne and I were. Just us—we did everything.”

“And something tells me that when you say we, you mean mostly you.”

Zach looked sharply at him. “No, Shaun, that is not what I mean. This is what I’m trying to get you to understand! Jeanne was not always like this—she really did try to be a good parent. She tried to change for her son—”

“But she failed. She tried, she realized it would mean actually not being selfish most of the time, and she gave up.” So much for treading lightly.

“Yeah, Shaun, that’s it exactly. She just gave up. It was as simple as that.” Zach shook his head and proceeded to grate the cheese with vehemence.

Shaun took a deep breath. This argument was not exactly new for them—they had been through these same angry words before.

Somehow, though, it was never resolved. Shaun didn’t want to argue—he hated arguing, so he tried to at least cool things down before they boiled over. “Babe, I’m sorry, that’s not what I mean. I know it was hard for both of you, and I know you and your sister went through a lot together. I’m just trying to think of what’s best for Cody.”

Zach nodded. “Yeah.”

“I don’t want Cody to hate his mother either, but also I don’t want him to expect more from her than she’s going to give him. If that’s the case, he’s going to go through a lot more pain than he needs to in his life.”

Zach nodded again. “I know.”

“So let’s talk to him, OK? We don’t have to tell him that Jeanne screwed up, but we can at least give him the truth, which is that she isn’t going to call him for his birthday.”

Zach didn’t stop grating the cheese, but he said, “OK.”

Shaun reached out and rubbed his partner’s back briefly. Zach leaned his body into Shaun’s for a moment, and Shaun knew that all was well between them.

So, they told Cody they wanted to talk to him, and took him to his room. They sat him down on his bed, and then each sat down on either side of him. Cody seemed to already sense what this was about. “Did you talk to Jeanne?” he asked Zach.

Zach looked down at him and shook his head. “No, Codes, I couldn’t get a hold of her. It looks like she isn’t going to call today.”
Cody looked down at his hands. “Oh.”

Shaun wondered if Zach was just going to leave it at that, but then he continued talking, “You know, Cody, your mom isn’t very good at remembering things like birthdays.”

“She remembered last year.”

Zach nodded. “I know, and that was really nice, wasn’t it? Look, your mom loves you, but she’s a person who needs to be on her own a lot. That’s why we don’t see her and talk to her very much.”

“Is that why she went to Oregon?”

“Yeah, that’s part of it.”

“But she went to Oregon with Allan. She wasn’t alone when she was with Allan.”

Now, Shaun could see his partner was at a loss for words. Cody, of course, was absolutely right: Jeanne’s need was not to be alone, but to be free to live a life that she was the center of. Being a parent made that impossible; it was as simple as that. But how did you explain that to a seven-year-old? “Cody, Zach’s right: your Mom really loves you. But she knew that you would have a better life with Zach and me. When she sees you and talks to you, though, it makes her sad because she misses you.”

“But if she talked to me, she wouldn’t miss me as much.”

Shaun locked eyes with Zach, and he could tell that both of them were trying to find the right words to say to their son that would make everything all right. There seemed to be no right words, though. Zach took one last shot: “I know, Cody, it doesn’t seem to make sense, does it? But the really important thing to understand is that when Jeanne doesn’t call or come see us, it isn’t because she doesn’t care about you. It’s because that’s the way she is, and sometimes we just need to accept that. What she does know, though, is that you’re safe and sound with Shaun and me, and that we love you so, so much. You know that we love you so, so much, right?”

Half of a smile began to appear on Cody’s face. “Yeah.”

Zach wrapped his arm around Cody and gave him a squeeze. “Good, I’m glad. But maybe, just to be sure, we should show you how much we love you. And do you know how dads show their just-turned-seven-year-old sons how much they love them?”

“Noooo,” Cody said slowly.

“By … tickling!” Zach said, and proceeded to tackle Cody and tickle him mercilessly. Shaun laughed and joined the fun, certain that this issue was not even close to disappearing, but happy their boy was at least happy for the moment.

The night before Shaun left, he and Zach retired to their bed early and made love twice in quick succession. They clung to each other, tried to drink each other up, as if they could bottle some of this joy of their closeness away to experience again while they were apart. Afterwards, Shaun lay on his back, and Zach on his side, propped up on one elbow, tracing his hand in lazy circles around Shaun’s chest with his fingers. “Don’t go, OK?” he said. “Just stay here, right here in this bed, with me.”

Shaun smiled. “You know that I would love to.”

“Who needs to go on tour anyways in this digital age? You can deliver your readings virtually via podcasts.”

“From this bed?”

Zach grinned. “Yes, from this bed. I think your readers would love it, actually.”

Shaun chuckled. “It’s a tempting idea.”

Zach shifted down so that he could lay his head on Shaun’s chest. “A month just seems so long.”

“It isn’t really, though. I mean, Gabe’s been here now for almost three months, and doesn’t it seem like he just moved in?”

“Hm, yeah, kind of, actually. He’s seems better, though. I mean, happier than when he first got here.”

“He does. I’m sure the girl helps.” For the past few weeks, Gabe had been dating a girl from his work. Shaun was actually very impressed with his brother, because for this first time to his knowledge, Gabe was actually dating someone, and not just sleeping with her. In fact, he suspected that the two of them had not even had sex yet, and that was really impressive, considering Gabe’s track record.

“Yeah, the girl definitely helps,” Zach agreed. “But … but I think it’s more than that. I think it’s also the job, and doing well at school, and all that. I think he’s feeling a lot better about himself than he did when he first got here.”

“Well, that’s just because we’re such great role models.”

“Yeah, right.”

Shaun frowned when he heard the sarcastic tone in his partner’s voice. “What? We are good role models. I mean, not to toot our own horns or anything, but I think we’re pretty awesome. We’re good parents, we have a loving, committed relationship, and we’re both on our way to fulfilling careers. I would look up to us if I wasn’t already us.” He chuckled at his own little joke.

“Well, you have a fulfilling career. I’m just an art student.”

“An art student at Cal Arts on a full scholarship, and acing all your classes. You’re going to be a great artist. You already are.”

“That’s sweet, but … well, not a lot of art students actually get to be artists in their careers.”

Shaun shifted so that Zach was forced to move back onto his side again and look at Shaun, who propped himself up on his elbow as well. “I thought you loved Cal Arts.”

Zach looked like he was about to say something, but hesitated. “I do love Cal Arts,” he eventually said. “I’m just thinking about the future, you know? I’m trying to be realistic. I might not get to actually make money off of my art, not many people do.”

“But Zach, you will. You’re amazing—you’re doing so great at school.”

Zach rolled his eyes. “And you think that actually means anything in the real world? You think that the fact that I got a 4.0 in my practical painting workshop will make people want to buy my work? Will make critics praise it?”

Shaun was a little taken aback. For the year that Zach had been attending classes at Cal Arts, it had always seemed to him that Zach’s confidence in himself as an artist had been increasing. He thought that his success at school was finally convincing Zach of the talent Shaun knew he had. He couldn’t figure out why Zach was suddenly talking as though he thought that his talent wouldn’t be enough to bring him success. “Babe,” he said, “I don’t know where all of this is suddenly coming from, but it sounds like craziness to me. You’ve got a gift that very few people have.”

Zach sighed. “Look, just … just forget it, OK? I guess I’m in a bad mood because you’re leaving.”

Shaun reached out and touched his face. “Well, don’t be. You’re amazing, and I’ll be back in a month, and everything is wonderful. OK?”

Zach, to Shaun’s relief, laughed. “OK. Everything is wonderful.”

Shaun had to leave at nine o’clock the next morning to make his flight. Everyone got up to see him off. Zach was all smiles and good cheer, surely an effort to cover up the sadness Shaun could see in his eyes. Cody was quiet, the questions he had been asking Shaun since he had announced his tour suddenly gone. When the final moments came, he shook his brother’s hand, gave Zach a long, lingering, tight hug, and then knelt down to hug Cody as well.

“I’ll see you in a month, buddy,” he said, opening his arms up.

“I don’t want you to go,” Cody said in a voice that was almost too quiet to hear.

Shaun sighed. “I know, but I’ll be back soon, OK? Besides, you have to keep Zach and your Uncle Gabe company while I’m gone.”

Suddenly, without warning, Cody burst into tears. Cody was not the kind of child who cried at the drop of a hat—in fact, he rarely cried at all. So, Shaun was concerned at his son’s outburst. “Hey,” he said, placing his hands on Cody’s shoulders, “it’s going to be OK, Cody.”

“No, d-d-don’t l-leave!” Cody sniveled. “I-I want you to s-s-s-stay here!”

Zach knelt down to join them. “Cody, Shaun is going to be back. We talked about this.” At this, Cody inexplicably started to cry harder. They continued to try to reassure him, to remind him that Shaun’s departure was only temporary, but Cody only became more desperate with each passing moment. No matter what they said, Cody seemed convinced that when Shaun went out the door, he would never see him again.

Finally, Zach just leaned over, and whispered into Shaun’s ear: “You’d better go. You’re going to miss your flight.”

Shaun looked at him then at Cody. “But, I can’t—”

“Just go, Shaun. It’ll be easier once you’re gone.”

Shaun took one final look at his weeping son, gave him the warmest hug he could, promised him one more time that they would see each other soon, then stood up. He had known that it would be difficult to say good-bye, but he hadn’t expected to feel like his heart was being ripped apart, like he was all but cutting off his arm by leaving Cody in this state. But he knew that Zach was right, that he needed to leave, and that he couldn’t miss his flight. So, he opened the apartment door, stepped outside it, and closed it behind him. He tried to ignore the final wail of despair he could hear through the door as he wheeled his suitcase away.